Terror babies: the latest in insidious Muslim plots

There is, quite literally, a new breed of terrorist on the loose in America, and they’ve seemingly got the whole country quaking into its Stetson boots. The threat? Terror Babies.

Neither an infant black metal band nor a gothier sort of stuffed toy, the Terror Babies are, if certain US politicians are to be believed, a very real threat to the future security of the Union.

See, nefarious Muslim mothers-to-be hop aboard the unfettered immigration train and gain entry to the States. Then they spawn on shore, earning automatic citizenship for their offspring, and then, in 16 short years – bam! – a ready-bred crop of ‘Terror Teens’ determined to destroy the Western way of life.

Don’t believe me? Here’s a video of Texan congressman (MP-equivalent) Louie Gohmert warning the nation with a face like a sad clown in June:

None of this is made up, of course. Gohmert and his partner-in-truth Debbie Riddle (also, would you believe it, a Texan politician) have proof. They’ve been touting that proof all over American news networks in the last few weeks, leading to one or two hilarious clashes with incredulous news anchors trying desperately not to lose their tempers on live television.

You can’t see that proof, of course. That would compromise the proof, and the proof is too precious for that. You just have to believe them. There’s a former FBI agent who told them all about it. No, you can’t have his name. There might be some slavering Terror Toddler out to get him, romper suit stuffed with c4 explosive and junior-Jihadi bloodlust.

And in case you were still wondering, here’s a real ex-FBI Agent, on record, explaining in clear words of two syllables or fewer that there is no such thing as Terror Babies.

The plot itself all hinges on the 14^th Amendment, which guarantees citizenship to anyone born in the States. It’s becoming a big problem for the anti-immigrant, anti-Muslim factions – and there are whispers of moves afoot to try and strike it down. A Republican-sponsored drive to do that would be blindingly hypocritical, of course, considering the stink the Right always kicks up about 2^nd Amendment rights every time someone mumbles about gun control.

Advocates of sanity, however, can rest assured: passing of a new constitutional amendment requires two-thirds of both houses – Congress and the Senate – to vote “aye”, as well as approval from the legislatures of three-quarters of the 50 states. In today’s partisan climate, this is entirely off the cards, probably even for an uncontroversial amendment.

As for Gohmert, well, all you need to know about him is that he thinks President Obama is actually Adolf Hitler.

Immigration is a hot-button issue in the States right now, what with all the current wrangling about the legality of is-it-isn’t-it-racist anti-immigration laws in Arizona. It’s amazing that the Terror Babies plot should come to light right now, just around the time there’s voting to be done on the matter.

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