British parents’ relaxed attitude to teen drinking, drug-using and sex

Four nine-year-old boys have been suspended from their Lancashire primary school after being found in posession of Cannabis – shocking eh? Perhaps not shocking enough.  A recent survey of British parents has revealed an increasingly relaxed attitude towards their own children engaging in drinking, drug-taking and underage sex. Parents said that on average they would be happy to allow their children to drink at home from the age of 13, with 10% being ‘fine’ with their little darlings to drink regularly at the age of 16 despite government guidelines recommending that no child under 15 should be allowed to drink alcohol. After drink comes drugs; the survey found that 32% of parents did not mind their child smoking cannabis as a one-off and 8% were comfortable with them smoking the drug regularly. Frank Furedi, Professor of Sociology at the University of Kent, suggested that these changes in parenting are the result of a change in society, “As far as parents are concerned, sex, alcohol and even drugs are no longer no-go areas for their children. Families have become surprisingly open-minded about allowing their children to experiment and find their own way in life.” Dig a little further though and this research opens a can of worms – what is it that drives us as Brits to become so accepting of what other countries would find shocking, dangerous and irresponsible?

I have vague recollections of my Sunday dinner being accompanied with a glass of white wine mixed with lemonade (so vague that I must have been under 10) and watching my sisters being all grown up (still underage) and being allowed to have real wine with their meal. Nothing wrong with that in my opinion. Fastforward a few years and whilst my sisters were studying hard and staying in doing their homework, I was sneaking out to parties, staying over at friends’ houses and drinking whatever we could get our mits on. When I was found out I was given a good talking to and for the most part, I learned my lesson. What happened after that was interesting. At 16 or 17, I was allowed by my previously very strict parents to go out every Thursday to a (Godawful) Rock Night, where not only did I get battered and bruised, but pretty bladdered too. I remember my sisters making a fuss that I was allowed to go out at an age where they were not – but rather than that being a reflection on a change in parenting or relaxation of attitudes towards such things, it was down to personality; me, the rebel, versus them, the goody-two-shoes.

What we tend to do all too often now (especially in the media) is lump all young people into one category, and these findings veer towards doing the same to British parents. It is easier to look at the research and say that British parenting is slack and that is to blame for a generation of binge-drinking no-hopers than it is to explore possible reasons behind this air of acceptance without being so simplistic in our approach.

On reading the statistics about parents who don’t object to their children drinking regularly (I’m leaving out the part about drinking at home, as that to me, in a controlled environment, is acceptable) or experimenting with drugs, my reaction was to immediately consider different reasons as to why these parents are to some extent taking a back seat and allowing their children to learn from their mistakes. I came up with the following:

• The ones who sadly don’t seem to care (it happens)
• The ones who actually trust their teens to drink responsibly and act responsibly, allowing them the freedom to learn for themselves (rare I would guess)
• The ones who know that their rebellious teens will do what they want anyway, why fight it? (common, probably)

Worryingly, the first and last appear to make up the majority, suggesting therefore that the majority of teenagers are able to dictate what they can do, where they can go and how they will act. I was a bit of a wild child but I always bent the rules rather than broke them or disregarded them completely. My time in secondary school coincided with the rise of ’scallies’ or ‘chavs’, and with that a notable change in what was accepted and scarily, often expected of our age group. Teenage pregnancies were soaring, teens were being expelled for dealing drugs and underage drinking was just something that we did. Although some parents may be to blame for the erratic behaviour of our teenage population, I would strongly suggest that rather than blame the parents, we should support them in bringing up a generation who think that only their rules apply – and their rules are a) that there are no rules or b) that rules are made to be broken.

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• http://pulse.yahoo.com/_JBOYM7U5CPER73JX57LWIMKHJU Jillian

  We must not legalize marijuana! Even if it would eliminate more than 60% of cartel revenue and end their incentive and ability to continue murdering countless innocent people. We MUST keep arresting 850,000 people a year for marijuana offenses even though, after FORTY YEARS of prohibition, marijuana use went *up* 8% last year and 6,000 people a day start smoking it for the first time. We taxpayers WILL keep paying $40 BILLION a year for the prohibition because it’s so good for us that we don’t care that it doesn’t stop people using marijuana and it draws drug dealers into our communities to meet the demand. The prohibition MUST last FOREVER!!!

• http://twitter.com/ilonacatherine ilona burton

  Pardon me?

• Oscar Weird

  Um, is this new? I remember forty years ago getting hammered on cider and smoking dope at a party. It did not stop me having a thoroughly bourgeois life. I know of a current CEO of a very big Pacific-based company who at the end of the 1970s had a stand of marijuana in his back garden in Australia. Come on! Why are these columns always written by women going through, shall we say, ‘anxious times’.

• http://udo-mindmatters.blogspot.com UdoS

  Very well thought through, Catherine, and I agree with you entirely. However, who exactly should support the parents and how? In particular if they – the parents – don’t seem to care anyway, and if they assume that their teens will do what they want anyway, as you in my opinion quite rightly said. Sadly it is not the drinkers and drug users who are rebellious, because it is widely accepted that they behave in this way, but it is the non drinkers and those who stay away from drugs who are the rebels. They are the ones who behave outside the norm set by their peers.
  We who behaved badly in our youths were the rebels; today we would be just trend followers.

• http://iradar666.blogspot.com/ iRadar

  The current government policy will not ‘win the war on drugs’. There are simple economic reasons for this.

  Almost all policies are to do with restricting the supply. This doesn’t dampen demand. As such every time a drug dealer is sent down price increases/a gap is created in the market. This gives more incentive for people to enter the market and make money. The way the economy works is a price will be found that people are willing to pay and people are willing to sell at.

  The only way the ‘war’ could be won is if severe penalties were imposed on those purchasing to make the products less desirable.

  Alternatively the government could pursue a policy of education and then allowing rational adults to decide whether or not they wish to purchase the product rather than forbidding it.

  We all know the latter wont even be considered.

  The blog however doesn’t focus on the rights/wrongs of drug use, more the attitude towards teens who at the end of the day, probably just want to know what all the fuss is about. They’ll have grown up with the media pushing sex everywhere. In a similar vein they cannot escape alcohol, with messages of how good it is. Then there are the taboo drug products that allow them to feel rebellious.

  I think it’s harsh of those who state that parents just don’t care. Yes there are some parents who don’t but I reckon they are in the vast minority. Parents have a really tough job to do, I think the only effective way they can do it is to educate their children to make their own choices (no matter how good they are the children are still going to have moments that will tempt them to do something their parents wouldn’t particularly like).

  Like Catherine my parents gradually introduced me to alcohol, which was a great thing in my opinion as it reduced the temptation to experiment behind their back.

• http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=659717857 Julian Pursell

  Ilona! Don’t worry, it’s ‘irony’

  Wether pro or anti drugs, it doesn’t matter. Both sides can see that prohibition does not work.

  However, those supporting prohibition, if pro drugs then they probably profit, if anti drugs then they are probably incentivised in a personal way rather than looking at what is best for all.

  It’s easy to say ‘No drugs’. I challenge those lazy people to get off their asses and actually help drug users to either quit, or find a legal way to earn enough to pay for their drug use.

  Can prohibitionists please stop wasting trillions on drugs war? it is causing 17,000 children to die of starvation every single day. The mechanism is proven. War on Drugs is a fancy way of being a cannibal by proxy.

  Cannabis is the cure for Cannibals.
  It’s in the bible!

• karvictho

  The drugs used by kids today, including marijuana, are not similiar to the drugs used by folks in the 60s, 70s and even 80s. Some of todays drugs can result in almost instant addiction. And, we now know brain developement isn’t really complete until folks reach their early 20s. So, early drug users and drinkers are not only incapacitating themselves but they are ensuring by injuring their brains that they can and never will realize their full capacity and potential.

  It is evident upon review of the backgrounds of young killers and aggressive yobs that they often began drug and drink use at the early ages stated in this article. Unfortunately, the parents of these same kids are also often impaired in their judgment about what is ok and not ok. But that does not mean the rest of society shouldn’t try to protect these children and society by imposing restrictions on usage.

  As for legalizing marijuana, that might be a good thing if what was put in it could also be regulated and the billions in lost revenue and government spending on the criminals were redirected. But, that would still not mean it would be ok for kids to use it, or alcohol.

• http://twitter.com/missyevangeline Evang Belleza

  Hello, I am a 16-year old teenage girl. I read this article with surprise because as a teen, the problem of teen drinking is a worry to me as I am afraid my peers are also downing drinks in parties. I strongly believe that the way to prevent teen drinking is to trace the root problem. Parents should understand that. I read with interest the comments below and I think that most parents are quick to judge their drinking or drug-using teens, but this does not occur to them. I write for a website called RadicalParenting.com. We are a parenting blog written from a teen’s perspective. We have an article that talks about why teens resort to drinking. It also includes the likelihood your teen is drinking. Feel free to check it out at: http://www.radicalparenting.com/2008/04/19/why-do-teens-drink-advice-column/
  Thanks!
  Evangeline

• dylan420

  well said, people need to realise that this is always going to be happening and always has and that people can keep up a sturdy structured life while smoking marijuana

• dylan420

  how does behaving outside the norm mean rebeling thats ridiculous people rebel and rise up as a group rebeling indivudualy would be well pointlesss