Are we all going to die next Wednesday?

Returning to the internet after the Easter weekend in the real world (Banned List number 76), I discover a cornucopia of Questions to Which the Answer is No.

Number 597, above, was asked by the Daily Mail’s Rentoul-baiting factory on Saturday, so the Wednesday to which it refers is tomorrow.

Today, the factory has a much friendlier question, number 598, illustrated by the charming anthropo-wotsit folly (right):

Can your dog teach you the secret of happiness?

Paul Stead drew my attention to a strong contender on The Guardian blogs:

Did aliens establish a primitive postcode system in ancient Britain?

Unfortunately, the Committee, sitting in emergency session, ruled this out of order as close inspection (scanning the final paragraph) revealed that the author had answered his own question in the negative.

Sticking with the apocalyptic theme of number 597 for a moment, though, Oliver Kamm reports an excellent number 599, an “exclusive” on ABC News This Week:

The Rev Franklin Graham: Second Coming of Christ by Social Media?

I’m grateful to Oliver for saving the rest of us the time to read it by summarising Graham’s thesis thus: “The Second Coming will be filmed on iPhone and posted on YouTube, thereby fulfilling biblical prophecy.” I’d say that’s an exclusive.

And we have a worthy claimant to the title of number 600, from GigaOm, whatever that is, which combines all the elements of idiocy for which this series is renowned:

Will the Royal Wedding Break the Internet?

There are more, but I need to rest on my laurels (now, where have I put them?); in other words, to do some work.

Thanks to Lauren G, Patrick Hennessy and (for number 600) Ian Bradshaw.

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• Derek_M

  Only if it’s of boredom

• postageincluded

  [Bah! I thought this had disappeared and reposted it. "Old age is no place for sissies"]

• Lord Bigglesworth

  Now now, don’t be so sure John. Pastor John Hagee has been working on his Second Coming thesis since the 1970s. If I remember correctly it was a seven step process starting with the founding of modern Israel (check), and then onto global media (done), Then it “transitioned off” into a European super state lead by the Anti-Christ (Van Rompuy) and then on to some more abstract unlikely metaphysical stuff (of course). Anyway, I think it was seven, or maybe it was twelve steps.

• postageincluded

  The answer to the question “Are We All Going to Die Next Wednesday” is not just Definitely No, it’s also Historically No because it was published 04/09/2008 and referred to an event planned for 10/04/2008, the switching on of the Large Hadron Collider.

  It’s just possible that I missed the end of the world, of course; I did mislay most of the 70s.