Forced Marriage: What about the men?

Forced marriage is a prevalent practice in the UK. Whilst the vast majority of victims the Government’s Forced Marriage Unit (FMU) deals with are women and girls (86% in 2010), the FMU reported a surge in complaints by men and boys, from 134 in 2008 to 220 in 2009 to 242 in 2010. Over 70% of these cases involve families from Pakistan, India and Bangladesh. These figures are only the tip of the iceberg, as the issue is under-reported for both sexes. Estimates suggest there are more than 2,000 incidents of forced marriage involving young male British nationals each year.

With rising numbers of forced marriage cases among both sexes, Theresa May, the Home Secretary, said that “forced marriage is a form of violence against women and men” and “we must do all we can to stamp out this appalling abuse”. Under Government proposals outlined this month, forcing someone into marriage could become a specific criminal offence. Breaching a Forced Marriage Protection Order (FMPO) could also become a criminal act with up to five years imprisonment, in Government plans under public consultation. The Government’s plans will protect men and women alike from forced marriage.

Tragically, forced marriage among men and boys is rife but often overlooked. Many people are unaware that men can be victims of forced marriage too. Instead it is assumed that men are in cahoots with the patriarchal system that seeks to shackle their sisters to forced marriages. Without a doubt, some do become “shacklers” of oppression. But there are countless men who yearn for freedom.

Today panic stricken men are forced into marriages because their families know or suspect they are gay, bisexual or transgender. By forcing them to marry, malicious parents feel that their son’s sexuality or gender identity will not be questioned. While other parents do so out of a mistaken belief that this will “cure” their son of what they perceive to be abnormal sexual practices.

I once interviewed a (covert) gay Asian man during the course of my forced marriage research. Raved’s* parents arranged a marriage for him during his studies at Oxford University. When he refused they told him he was “sick” and his behaviour would shame his family. Raved had a nervous breakdown and was sectioned under the Mental Health Act. He remained in a psychiatric hospital for over 10 years. Albeit emotionally scarred, Raved is now attempting to continue with his studies while his parents persist in introducing him to potential spouses.

Unfortunately the plight of these men is all too common. We are only now discovering that hundreds or possibly thousands of men are forced into marriages every year. I know of many harrowing stories where disobedient sons have been persecuted by parents who purport to love them whilst in pursuit of their own interests.

Many stories include male victims who fall head over heels in love with forbidden women from outside their community who are thought to be morally corrupt and not worthy of respect by their families. These widespread situations leave men with little choice but to live a life of secrecy, torment and even bigamy. Meanwhile their parents force their sons into marriage with women who they are culturally and socially incompatible with. The reasons behind parent’s morally reprehensible behaviour include a perverse sense of family commitment to relatives abroad, a need to secure visas or an attempt to control their son’s behaviour.

It is clear from the rising numbers of forced marriage among men that venomous parents who believe in total control will not pay attention to the choices and voices of their sons. In fact they seem more determined than ever to curb their son’s desires and insist on conformity to heartless marriage rules. This leaves vulnerable young men like Raved – whose threatened forced marriage is not illegal under existing criminal legislation – caught up in this vice with nowhere to turn for support. Perhaps more worryingly, Raved, along with many male victims of forced marriage who endure emotional coercion, believe that their parent’s vicious behaviour must be acceptable because it is lawful.

However, this could all change if the Government successfully introduce a forced marriage criminal offence which encompasses a range of coercive behaviours (like Norway and Denmark’s forced marriage criminal offence) and make breach of FMPOs a criminal offence. A specific criminal offence will undoubtedly make it easier to take action against perpetrators who use emotional coercion, often against young men, and it will also highlight the gross abuse of human rights many men suffer as victims of forced marriage.

*Not the interviewee’s real name

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