The Hidden Side of Sport (and beyond)

Freddie Flintoff’s documentary, ‘The Hidden Side of Sport’ shown on BBC1 last night did far more than shed some light on what goes on beneath the helmets of sportsmen on top of their game as they go out to bat. By unveiling those cracks and speaking candidly with others who have shared the sleepless nights and shameful drunken binges, Flintoff took a massive step forwards in fighting against the belief that depression is something that should be kept in the shadows.

Twitter came alive immediately with people coming out of the woodwork, obviously moved by what they had seen and heard. It really is quite something to witness men who have appeared to be on top of the world, certainly the top of their game – men who, to the untrained eye, appear to have everything they could possibly want – open up and expose themselves to be in the depths of depression and struggling so much, all the time having to put on this facade.

Bravado, confidence, head held high. The smiles and the joking, the laughter echoing through the dressing rooms. The headlines when it starts to fall apart, the blame and the shame, the guilt. The splashes and the flashes. The noise against the silence.

‘The Hidden Side of Sport’, I thought, would be a string of people I didn’t recognise speaking vaguely, skirting around the issue of depression. It was, in fact, so powerful and thought-provoking that for the first half, when others were in the same room I had an inner monologue cursing them for speaking over it at times, but for the second half, when they had scattered off to bed, I was cursing them for missing the bits they may have snatched in between their nattering. This is something everyone should watch. Whether or not you have had depression, or know anyone who has had it, you will learn something.

I didn’t think that I would truly be able to empathise with these people. I thought I knew people who have depression, bloody hell, myself included (let’s not forget, it’s ok to admit it) that somehow deserved more sympathy than these ‘celebrities’. That belief was quickly, thankfully, expelled.

Celebrity, sports personality, dustman; we’re all just flesh and bones. If one thing was made clear tonight, it was that it doesn’t matter who you are, at what stage in life, happily married or bitterly divorced – depression can hit any person at any time. Money wasn’t mentioned once. Not only that, but a point that was made on more than one occassion was that there was no trigger, no specific thought or action, bereavement, match, nothing that snapped and became an opening chapter to the story of depression. It follows then, that there is no middle or really even an end. Depression, like sport, comes with it’s own ups and downs. Good days and bad days. Days you can manage and days when you fall apart with no rhyme nor reason. Let’s not delve so far into that analogy that I sound like a desperate preacher. You get the point.

I was heartened by the fact that Freddie didn’t set out to talk about himself and his own problems at all, but rather found himself identifying with each of the men he interviewed. Reflecting after each chat, he slowly, gradually opened up more about his own depression and again, this illustrated a really important point – that by listening to others, you can learn so much about yourself.

If only all men could be this open. I’m not expecting people to watch this and go into work tomorrow happily going round the office and telling everyone how shit their night’s sleep was or asking if it’s true that everyone’s talking about them behind their backs because they’ve been REALLY paranoid, or admitting they occassionally throw up after a drunken takeaway and cry themsleves to sleep. That would be madness. But there has to be something in this. Seeing a champion boxer admitting that he was that person who huddled in the corner of a pub crying at the end of the night has to make the average person think ‘if he can do it, why can’t I?’

The more we talk, the more we listen, the more we understand. There’s no shame in any of this. I am a firm believer that it takes a stronger man to open up about their emotions than it does to put that same old mask on and pretend everything fine and dandy. Pretending is old now, it’s boring.

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