Contest of Names

I have several confessions to make. I am not interested in Private Eye’s letters from people with made-up names. Or in nominative determinism, in which clever people find it amusing that the Lord Chief Justice of England is Igor Judge.

I also realise that my interest in American football players’ names could be condescending on grounds of race, class and national culture. But I prefer to see the NFL’s mostly black American working-class names as a window on a kind of poetry.

So the Superbowl tomorrow night is not just a contest between the New York Giants and the New England Patriots, but a showcase of some remarkable names. The American tradition of invented first names has produced rival rosters of names of note:

Giants: Antrel Rolle, Bear Pascoe, Da’Rel Scott, Deon Grant, Domenik Hixon, Jacquain Williams, Jerrel Jernigan, Linval Joseph, Prince Amukamara, Ramses Barden.

Patriots: Antwaun Molden, BenJarvus Green-Ellis (pictured), Deion Branch, Jerod Mayo, Lousaka Polite, Tiquan Underwood.

There ought to be a doctorate in the significance of French style part names, Je-, Ja- and J’, De-, Da- and D’, apostrophes, the fashion for qs and mid-name capital letters, the variant spellings, and a separate doctorate on pronunciation.

In the competition for poetic names, the Giants have the edge in number, even if the Patriots have what are to Britons the two strangest, BenJarvus in the first-name category and Lousaka Polite in the whole-name event.

I think the Giants will win tomorrow, because they want it more.

My guide to last year’s Superbowl is here.

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