‘Break The Silence. Beat Eating Disorders.’

They say that a problem shared is a problem halved. But what if that problem is something that you can’t bear to admit to yourself, nevermind anyone else?

This week is eating disorders Awareness Week and the theme, as you may have guessed, is speaking out and breaking the silence caused by stigma and shame surrounding eating disorders.

In the run up to this week, Beat, the UK’s leading ED charity conducted a study into those directly affected with eating disorders and the results are shocking.

• 58% didn’t tell anyone about their eating disorder because they didn’t know how to talk about it
• 65% waited for more than 6 months before confiding in someone
• 87% of those surveyed did not contact a healthcare professional when they first realised they had a problem

Beat’s call to action:
We want people to speak up about eating disorders. We all need to break the silence early so that sufferers get the treatment they so desperately need. No-one should face an eating disorder on their own.

Here are a few thoughts of my own on ‘Breaking the Silence’.

Nothing is more crippling than living every moment of every day with the weight of carrying your biggest secret around with you. You’re scared to tell anyone because you’ve kept it to yourself for so long; it’s all yours now and nobody else needs to know. You’re ashamed; what will people think of you? That you’re less of a person somehow? They’ll lose respect for you; think you’re not capable of doing what you’re supposed to do? You don’t want their sympathy; you don’t deserve it. You don’t want them to worry, don’t want to be a burden. They might see it as a weakness; can’t have that.

Some may be envious of your determination and power over basic human needs. You’re a bit thin you still need to work on it – how could anyone be jealous of that body? What if they think you’re a fraud? What if you bite the bullet, open up and they don’t believe you? You don’t really look thin enough or ill enough to have a proper eating disorder anyway. Maybe just leave it a while. Your pain only matters to you. Why should anyone else care? You should be ashamed of yourself for even thinking of telling anyone. That’s the one… shame.

When you are in the grips of an Eating Disorder, there are innumerous reasons and excuses to keep it as your dirty little secret. I rattled through just a few of them. Anorexia, Bulimia, Binge-Eating Disorder and other less well-known EDs are almost always cloaked in secretive behaviours, deception and lies. Stigma and shame fuel that point blank refusal to give in; the grip of the illness becomes tighter, digging its heels and worming its way further into your already screwed up, exhausted brain. The sooner this cycle is broken, the better.

Speaking out, though, is so much easier said than done. There are so many ‘what ifs’, and once you manage to work your way around those, you have to work out who to tell, when to tell them, how to tell them, why you’re telling them…

It’s such a complex process. I’m relieved I have a whole week to break it down.

If you have concerns about yourself or others, speak to your GP or contact Beat for information and support.

Throughout the week, I will be blogging away about my own experiences and whatever else comes into my head, but I also want to hear from you. If there is anything you want to ask about eating disorders, the work of Beat Charity or about little old me, then I will answer all your questions as best as I can. Either comment on here or through Twitter to @ilonacatherine

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• annevandyk79

  Eating Disorders is such a sad fact of life – it’s hard to imagine people having this kind of problem, especially men – I just read such a scary story about a man who has an eating disorder in Dear Doctor with Dr Hilary Jones. These articles are real eye openers

• http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=647288797 Henri Bergman-Janes

  And then of course, there’s the problem of speaking out and being dismissed, which is just absolutely crushing. I’ve had this happen time and time again, most recently when I confided in my GP, and she asked me to jump on the scales and then read my weight out to her (a task anyone with an ED history will understand the enormity of) and then she told me that I’d gained 4kg in the last 6 months, so I had nothing to worry about.
  Luckily, *luckily* I have people around me to rubbish that statement, I have a long and deep history of ED’s, and most critically, I am not currently so overwhelmed by my ED that this blow sent me spiralling. It’s taken a few months but I’m getting ready to try again, with a different doctor. However, the results of that appointment, had my circumstances been even slightly different, could have been fatal.

• http://www.succeed-foundation.org/ The Succeed Foundation

  Admitting to yourself and to others that you have an eating disorder is the first step in the road to recovery and it is saddening that people find it so hard to seek help. Let’s all work towards a world where there is a greater understanding of eating disorders, both amongst the general public, but also amongst clinicians and GPs.

• http://twitter.com/laurevans311 SRSH Laur

  Just a small point, that some may find the image used in this blog triggering.

• http://twitter.com/ilonacatherine ilona burton

   I am extremely sorry about this. Due to the hacking last week, I no longer select my own images for these blogs and I apologise that this is the case here. I had worried about that myself to be honest. Will pass this on x

• http://twitter.com/laurevans311 SRSH Laur

  Thank you. I presumed you didn’t select it. x

• http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1218488927 Rachel Jane Lloyd

  My point exactly…
  You are meant to be raising awareness not bloody using a triggering picture.
  Please think about your words and actions, you are upsetting and triggering so many people.
  I don’t read this blog because it frustrates me no end, but I read this because I had numerous BYA’s and such who actually look up to you, saying, this isn’t okay.
  Please think before you write such things and the image you put with it.
  And please remember, as much as you want to promote ED awareness, you are more interested in promoting YOUR ED, hence the edited picture last year.
  I am actually really starting to get pissed off with the crap you write!
  And I am not alone.
  And yes, I can choose not to read your blog.
  Which usually I don’t but when you are triggering people I know want to recover I get pissed.
  And this is me pissed.
  I am sorry to say.

• Tamar85

  Rachel may feel that she speaks for all or many sufferers but she does not speak for me.  As someone who suffers from anorexia I would just like to say that I have been neither upset nor triggered by this series of blogs.  I appreciate, as does Ilona, that the image may be triggering for some sufferers; however, Ilona has already stated that the image was not selected by herself, and will pass on the feedback.  

  This is an articulate and insightful blog which approaches a sensitive subject with bravery and honesty.  I hope Ilona is not deterred from continuing to write articles which provide invaluable insight to outsiders, and provide an equally invaluable sense of empathy and connection to sufferers of what can be incredibly isolating and lonely illnesses. 

  I am usually a silent reader so I’d like to take this opportunity to say
  ‘thank you’.  I’m sure there are many other silent readers who appreciate your honesty and the work you do in raising awareness for mental health issues.

• Xinazee

  What’s also difficult is seeing a friend with an Eating Disorder slowly destroy themselves. You approach the subject, you attempt numerous different ways of helping them admit it, but instead, years pass and nothing improves. You try and try, you bring their family members in and other friends, you try to get them to eat with you by inviting them over to dinner and yet nothing helps.

  Denial is the most dangerous symptom of EDs because the sufferer will continue to kill themselves slowly, will become aggressive, solitary, depressed and will do anything to avoid accepting that they have a problem.

  What needs to be addressed is how friends and family can get help for a loved one who so clearly needs it but cannot see it. What can a friend do when nothing seems to help? Can a friend seek professional help on behalf of a person who is not a family member?