The Banned List: scientifically proven to make life better

The time has come to add another 10 items to the Banned List. I told Padraig Reidy that the Committee would not accept “drink the Kool-Aid” because, although it is a cliché in America it is simply baffling to most people over here, who have forgotten the story of Jim Jones in Guyana, and is therefore rare. He persisted, however, and the ruling Politburo reluctantly agreed to put it out for consultation.

Then came Emily Bell in The Guardian last night, writing about the “ingestion of Google Kool-Aid”. Not just because I am a great admirer of Google, the phrase is now banned. Inevitably, in conducting its consultation, the Commissariat discovered that there is some doubt about whether the toxic cocktail (see number eight) drunk by the Jonestown cultists actually contained Kool-Aid rather than a cheaper substitute.

Anyway, here are the 10 new words and phrases on the Banned List, never to be typed or spoken again:

1. “Here’s the thing.” Nominated by Bernard.
2. Scientifically proven. Sam Freedman.
3. In harm’s way. Paul Vallely.
4. Trope. Andrew Denny.
5. Reset button. Rewind the tape.
6. “Sorry, but …” to start a headline. Lynsey Hopkins.
7. Unlock potential. Nick Davies.
8. Toxic cocktail. Daniel Hannan.
9. (Only) one thing is certain. Amol Rajan. Especially when followed with ‘only time will tell’; or ‘there are no easy answers’.
10. ‘Drink the Kool-Aid,’ or any metaphorical reference to the American soft drink. Padraig Reidy.

If Kraft Foods, the makers of Kool-Aid, would like to sponsor number 10, my email is on the blog header.

Buy your copy of The Banned List book here; download a copy (only £3.99!) here; browse Banned List blog entries here; or nominate your bugbears on Twitter using the #BannedList hashtag.

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• http://twitter.com/francessmith frances smith

  the kool aid example shows that one person’s cliche is another person’s original idea.

  it is, after all, scientifically proven, somewhere i am sure, if only in the future, that there is a limit to the number of grammatically correct combination of words that can be used to explain anything.

  so, sorry but, this toxic combination of banned words render the job of those of us who want to leave comments at unsociable times of day, on newspaper websites, almost impossible.

  and one thing is certain, that because there are no easy answers to the question of when a cliche is a cliche, your banned list is at some point going to have to drink the kool aid, if only because, for many of us, if you hadn’t mentioned some of these banned phrases, in the first place, we would never have known they existed.

• FWKirkham

  What the hell’s this all about?

• TheOnlyWayIsNorfolk

  Amol Rajan had “direct descendant” – there is no other kind.

• ineedaholiday

  Can we please add ‘retoxification of the tory brand’ – i’m sick of it after the past few weeks!

• Kadrick

  How far down the list is banning things?

• 5brian5

  Every time I listen to B.F.B.S. (Brittish Forces Radio) and the daily news on the BBC, only one word comes to mind which needs elimination: WAR! Although many more are runner ups, that would be A good place to start!

• Cardano

  For centuries people used the phrase “in the world”. Can someone tell me why “on the planet” is an improvement?

• phuddy_d

  Talking of cliches, how about Slate magazine’s historical entry for April 14 1912:  “Giant metaphor strikes iceberg”.

• http://profile.yahoo.com/KLRUZ7CLWAMLIXCLDVJB26AQAY Daffy

  Here in the USA, I’d like the following banned:
  1. er ah; and ah
  2. see what I’m sayin–the ‘g’ is dropped; no I don’t SEE because words aren’t being displayed on your forehead
  3. what I mean is—just SAY what you mean-no need to preface
  4. what do you have to do to win this game?–score more points!
  5. the untimate goal is
  6.  ‘talking heads’ saying ‘what it means is– I’ll decide for myself, thank you
  7. and now a word from our sponsors
  8. breaking news, this just into our newsroom, more at 11–tell me now!