Barking Blondes: Dealing with the death of a pet

We received an email into our radio show this week from a distraught listener. “Betsy, my 18 year old Jack Russell has been laid to rest. The time had come for me to end her brave fight for life and to have her spared from any more pain. I was with her at the end. Thing is, I can’t remember a world without her. “

We dedicated that show to Betsy knowing that every dog lover felt this owner’s agony. It’s a cruel act of nature that most of us outlive our pets.

The day we introduced Matilda, our bulldog puppy, to the vet for her first injections we were brimming with excitement. It was all new and ahead of us. In the same waiting room were a couple wrapped around each other in obvious distress. They were leaving their dog behind in the surgery for the last time. They held the empty lead. “That,” commented the receptionist, “is the flipside.”

On a recent visit to The Mayhew, a London rescue centre for dogs, we were surprised to find an animal graveyard. What does it say about human emotion that we can walk through church cemetries and enjoy the scenery and the atmosphere but when confronted with handmade tributes to man’s best friend, we become mush? The photographs lovingly pinned to wooden crosses along with favorite toys was too much.  It would take a hard heart, whatever you feel about dogs, not be moved. But how brilliant that this piece of land exists right in the heart of urbania!

The Blue Cross (formerly known as Our Dumb Friends League) offers a bereavement hotline. We would rather tarmac the M25 in bare hands than volunteer for that job. Commiserating with a friend over a family passing is one thing. Hearing of the death of an unknown dog is almost unbearable.

Burial or cremation? If it’s the latter what do you do with the ashes? An inspiring online company has taken the burden from you. They offer a facility to turn your pet’s ashes into decorative paper weights or faux diamonds. Imagine the joy in knowing that your canine phobic fiancé is wearing Fido’s ashes around her finger!

Unsurprisingly, it’s the United States that lead the way in immortalizing pets.

A firm in Salt Lake City will, for a modest fee, mummify your pooch. It takes five to ten months and if you are really well organized, you can be mummified alongside, later. The Egyptians mummified cats and dogs, believing we would meet up with them on the otherside. What joy!  A pair of St Bernard’s slobbering with anticipation at the pearly gates.

Animal communication is a thriving business. Last summer we attended a workshop in a local village hall, where owners were encouraged to get in touch with past pets. Molly, our bull terrier, was invited to act as a teacher. Baffling. We have yet to be persuaded that they really are looking down on us from above. Molly appeared unconvinced and focused all her heavenly powers on hunting out a sausage from behind the tea urn.

Dealing with the death of your pet leaves you with two choices. Byron traumatised by  his dog’s death acknowledged the pain of losing a dog can only be healed by another. The void is too great. What would be an insensitive suggestion in human terms “get another” is often the “hair of the dog” solution.

Or you could agree with the actress Lorraine Chase. At a recent Dogs Trust dinner, she confided that it took her seventeen years to grieve for her dog. She feels that maybe now she is just about ready to go shopping for feeding bowls.

Listen to Barking at the Moon on Thursdays 10pm-midnight on BBC London 94.9fm

Recent Posts on Notebook

• Barking Blondes: Oh no! Not another dog book!
• Justice for sale but who pays for the cost?
• The Road to the Ultra-Trail du Mont Blanc - Majorca 70.3 Ironman
• The Retail Ready People project means the future of the high street is in your hands
• Don't get mad about Amazon and make the right ethical choice

• 5brian5

  Dear Joanne, Anna, and ladies; I am very sorry to hear about Betsy. I simpathise with her owner, and am happy that you remember our loved ones.This is a very hard topic for me to comment on. As strange as it may sound, I have, for years, found the idea of my death a humorous concept. When faced head on with it, I said goodbye to my son, reminded him of important document locations, and told the anestesiologist to push the button. No big deal. However, in contrast, I remember all my beloved and loyal pets that I have been blessed with throughout my life. I can identify with Lorraine Chaise. After my last loyal mixed bread dog Helen, I have been afraid to get another dog or cat, as I want them to be secure in their home, and I wasn’t sure if I could offer them that, whilst I had health issues. When my son was a young child, Helen became pregnant with pups. We gave them all away except one. She was a pretty little black and white pup that reminded me of the Russian “Dogmonaut” “Lieka”. Whilst Helen remained loyal to me, Lieka became my sons baby. He loved that dog with all his heart, and was very protective of her at all times. As my son became older, everything seemed fine with Lieka’s health. No remarkable health issues. One day, I arrived home to find her acting very strange, and it was obvious to me she was in major distress. My son and I took her immediately to the vetrinary hospital, where they had to keep her over night for diagnosis and observation. I forget the actual diagnosis, as it was at least fifteen years ago, but it was terminal cancer. She only lasted a couple more days, even after giving the doctors permission to use whatever means they could to save her, spareing no expense. This experience was especially hard for my son, as his mother and I were going through a rather uncomfortable divorce as well at that time, and any additional trauma to my son was hard for me to watch. On top of all this, my relatives up in Toronto Can., ripped into both of us for spending a grand to save a dog . If blood is thicker than water, its dog blood, as the relatives were dumped like rubbish in loving memory of Liela! My son is happy today, with his much loved pitbull “Logan”. My new cat, is for the first time happy being allowed to be a cat, instead of a victim. She is gaining much needed weight, as she gets anything she wants. Thank you “Ladies” for giving us this wonderful blog. Take care of each other! Luv Ya! Brian (Detroit)

• http://twitter.com/BlueCrossLou Louise Lee

  Losing a pet is just horrible.Our support line takes 500 calls a month and hopefully provides somehelp to grieving owners. We also have thousands of pet memorials on our website, I can’t read them though as they are so sad and leave me in bits!

• Gizwiz

  It is a truly unbearable pain but can be helped by getting another. Many people are worried about ‘replacing’ a beloved pet because they don’t want to be seen as just that – replacing one – and become worried about comparing their new pet with the old one or not loving the new pet as much. My advice would be to get get a different breed or sex and then it’s difficult to compare the 2 and don’t worry about the love as it will be there. I inadvertently ended up with the same breed and sex when it happened to me and I couldn’t love anything more. To many people, pets really do become their children (or Fur-kids!) in evry sense and it saddens me when others can’t accept that. One of the most common comments I get is “ah yes, but if you had children of your own you’d know the difference”. Well I haven’t and I don’t. My little Fur-kid is my little girl and she knows it!

• http://www.facebook.com/people/Crissie-Chambers/100001227641677 Crissie Chambers

  As a home checker for the Mayhew I often met dog owners that had recently lost their pet and I used to say ‘ I know how you feel’ BUT not until I lost my first pet of my own – my Beautiful MJ did I REALLY know how it felt – My world suddenly darkened – my heart was broken – I was drowning in tears – I held him my arms for one final time and did not want to leave him EVER!! My son a teenager cried behind closed doors and when we took him home spent hours ‘talking’ to him – then within the year I lost my 17 year old Rocks – and once again the light had gone from my world. I still miss them – I WILL never forget them But I was so blessed with them both in my life that I had to share that love with Missy Blue and Chelsea Rose (both rescues from the Mayhew) and once again I am Blessed UNTIL that darkness comes again