Fifty Shades of chaos

Matilda Battersby

AP070316011538 300x242 Fifty Shades of chaosE L James’ literary sensation Fifty Shades of Grey hasn’t simply boosted sales of paddles and handcuffs in Ann Summers. It has also increased the number of unusual news stories this week, as women (mostly) engross themselves in the romantic potential of Christian Grey to the detriment of daily life.

It has already caused one serious fire: Scottish mother of two Shona Gilmour was reportedly so busy reading the steamy tale that she forgot she’d left the chip pan on. According to North West News, Mrs Gilmour, 47, had reached a particularly “interesting” part of the book when flames shot through her kitchen.

Luckily, the fire didn’t cause any major damage and nobody was harmed. But Mrs Gilmour told reporters her husband was rather disgruntled. “The mister wasn’t happy about the fire,” she told Strathclyde press. “He said it was about time I got rid of the book now after that wee incident – not a chance! Now I keep it in the bedroom, that’s its new home.”

Mrs Gilmour is not the only woman to fall foul of her partner while reading the trilogy of books nicknamed “mummy porn” for their sexually explicit themes. Carlisle Magistrates Court heard a case earlier this week of a man who had assaulted his girlfriend by pouring brown sauce over her in a bid to show her “what saucy really means”.

According to press reports Raymond Hodgson, 31, from Cumbria, pleaded guilty to common assault for slapping his partner of five years, Emma McCormick, and covering her in brown sauce, after an argument concerning Fifty Shades of Grey, which Hodgson deemed to be “wrong” and “pornographic”.

The judge ruled Hodgson’s actions had been intended to demean Miss McCormick and ordered him to pay her £100 compensation and £85 towards prosecution costs. The former couple have since made friends and Hodgson is “extremely sorry” for his actions.

In other news, an e-fit of the Fifty Shades protagonist Christian Grey made by the University of Central Lancashire’s Dr Faye Skelton has been released. The image, which was created using the same software employed during police investigations, was based on descriptions from 12 female readers. However, publication of the image has caused an outpouring of dissent that it is a valid representation of the billionaire heartthrob.

Ladbrokes has reported Johnny Vegas has odds of 500/1 to play Grey in a Hollywood adaption of the books, with Ricky Gervais a more promising 100/1. Despite authoring several steamy novels herself, model Katie Price has odds of 500/1 to play Ana Steele in the movie.

Oh, and if the above are not unusual enough the Twitter account @50ShedsofGrey has garnered nearly 50,000 followers. Billing itself as “erotica for the not-too-modern-male”, the interest is completely understandable.

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  • VicTheBrit

    To all the hubbys out there… Give them time. This time next year they’ll be hating the book because someone will have declared it’s sexploitation…

  • Occult Nazi Go-Go Girls

    So the respectable middle class are into S&M now. *yawn* There’s only one way to shock the bourgeois these days: by being a Nazi.

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