Having trouble with your sex life? There’s an app for that

If your idea of using your mobile phone for help in the bedroom is switching it on to vibrate, think again. It turns out that many of us are now turning to our phones to improve our sex lives. According to a survey by myvouchercodes.co.uk,  34 percent of Britons have downloaded one or more apps to help improve their sex life. It seems Avenue Q was right, the internet really is for porn.

This is interesting considering Apple has a bit of a war on porn. Its stringent filters won’t allow nudity, so any sex-related apps have to include partially-clothed people. However, where there’s a will, there’s a way, and app developers are getting savvy at getting past the  chastity-belt of Apple’s gatekeepers.

I’ve done a little bit of *ahem” research into the subject, so here’s my pick of the best apps out there:

YogaforBetterSex

Thought yoga was just for wheatgrass-drinking hippies?  wrong! Yoga gets you horny. Apparently. According to the app’s blurb, “there are several asanas which help in better sex.” I’m not sure what an asana is exactly, but it sounds kinky.

Sex Facts

A discreet way to bone-up on your sexual etiquette (pun intended) without the whole world knowing. The Sex Facts app gives you the low-down on getting down and dirty with none of the coyness of having to speak o a real person. It also uses sensible words like “penis”, instead of silly ones, like “love rod”.

iCondom

No, it’s not a virtual comdom for the sexually reckless. In fact, thanks to “the world’s largest condom distribution map for iPhone”, you’ll never be caught short again. Simply use the app to locate the nearest condom vendor near you, and whether you’re in Hackney or Honolulu it’s got you covered, so to speak.

Explicit Sex Positions

The Explicit Sex Positions app does exactly what it does on the tin. It seems to have got round issues of nudity with strategically placed banners and the tactical use of silhouettes.

Wingman

With the tagline “it’s not your granny’s app” Wingman sounds more like a gimmicky toy than a serious pick-up tool, but it’s actually a sort of one-stop-shop for people on the pull. It stores over 200 pick-up lines and the intriguing ‘Alias’ function basically endorses lying to your date, giving a full back-story and fake name, to make you sound far more interesting than you actually are. It’s also got a handy bar-finder so you can bar-hop your way to a happy night. And if all its nifty tricks fail to bag you a date, there’s a cab-finder tool which automatically calls the company nearest to you. Handy.

Literotica

There’s more to erotic fiction than Fifty Shades, you know. Download this app for over 250,000 shades of sexy page-turners.

iKamasutra Lite

The iKamaSutra app takes gamification to a new level: as you progress through the tastefully drawn (and often anatomically incorrect) illustrations you can gain points and progress from Novice to Kama Sutra Master.

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• leconfidant

  Well that’s all taken care of then. Now onto spiritual enlightenment…

• edzuiderwijk

  A good example makes good followers.

• http://twitter.com/weweregood Jon Grainger

  I think Emily Jupp should work for the sport newspaper. Better suited

• adder

  rubbish

• icarus_69

  What rubbishy writing! Utterly inane.

• http://www.facebook.com/people/Chris-Gwynne/100002969915428 Chris Gwynne

  jon, lighten up dude. have a chuckle.

• KarlBarks

  Emily tries but misunderstands.With apologies to Pink Floyd [See Emily Play]

• kawasakiman

  “Having trouble with your sex life?”

  Then stop reading the internet news comments, and go and sort it out…