Brits Abroad: Our behaviour has to change

A few years ago I was booked on a package deal to Cancun with a group of friends. The whole deal, with hotel, flight, food and drink included, was around £1,200. At 18, two-weeks in the sun with ‘the boys,’ lounging on golden sands and drinking Tequila is the perfect way to prepare for university – or delay ‘life’ at least.

But for me, the trip didn’t happen. I never boarded the plane. This was not because of a sudden change of heart; I did not instinctively mature and realise that spending that much money parading down an infested strip of neon-lit bars wasn’t the way to go. Unfortunately, being an unfathomably disorganised person, my passport had expired.

Losing out on £1,200 is not exciting. I spent the same amount last year Inter Railing for three weeks, and still to this day the thought of well over a grand sinking into the oblivion that is Thomas Cook rocks my very core. My parents however, deep-set in their cynicism, were vocally glad of my peril. They thought it was a waste of money either way.

At 18 though, there isn’t really anything wrong with doing the group holiday thing; if ever matching t-shirts and a packet of Durex too many can be explained, post A Levels is the time. It’s not so much a class or wealth thing either, I’ve seen everyone from McDonald’s employees to Radley-educated law students attend such excursions. The fact is, at that age, fish bowls and sun burn are a rite of passage for many.

The problem, really, is the British image overseas as a whole; at 18 these things might be excused to an extent, but never again. After that it’s time to move on. Still drink, still ‘party,’ it’s just probably time to do it in a less annoying way.

If you were to imagine a 40-year-old Englishman in Marbella, say, you might think of a red, wife-beater-wearing overweight man sweating in the pool area of a three-star hotel. Talking loudly. That is not where the nation’s reputation ends of course; our branded tourism comes in many forms. ‘Brits Abroad’ has negative connotations for a variety of reasons.

Just because you’ve been on a cultural journey for instance, discovering yourself in the hills of Tibet does not automatically make you any more proper or adventurous than somebody who prefers a week in ‘Marbs.’ Drinking Chang at a full moon party instead of Carling in Magaluf does not mean you are flying the flag for Britain in an any more noble way. You still look like an idiot. And chances are, you still act like one too.

The British love to travel, far more than U.S citizens for example. In essence this is a good thing, we live on one world, after all.

My goodness though. How embarrassing it is to see rolls of pink flesh spread across a golden bay; glistening in the sun like a freshly beached squid. Bottles of Strongbow, peppering the sand amid ‘his and her’ beach towels and River Island flip flops. Or to see those on their gap years, chundering into the lap of “lady boys” they mock their friends for meeting; crying to their mothers the next morning because they left their wallets in a brothel.

It’s no wonder then that while we lie, slowly burning, with a fly-ridden portion of fries at our sides, we are dying in number. Staggeringly so, it would seem, as the number of Brits who died abroad has increased by 4 per cent.

It is not as if the dangers of being overtly intoxicated, unprepared or misguided abroad have not been exemplified. The Foreign Office has issued leaflets, flyers and beer mats aplenty to advise against falling foul of locals in bar spats or taxi altercations. Not all deaths are due to stupidity of course, but a significant number of them are.

It is not alarming to hear also, that a sizeable proportion of travellers get locked up abroad regularly; or require the help of a British consulate to aid them in their desperation.

And it’s not just arrests and deaths we have to worry about. William Hague recently talked about ludicrous requests from British explorers, including a call for for help erecting a chicken coop, highlighting the simple truth that many feel inconspicuous while away from home. Those who feel so out of depth might consider spending a week in Cornwall as a less concerning alternative.

As upsetting as it may be to some, we do not have the right to walk around singing God Save the Queen in any country other than our own – outside a sporting occasion – and we certainly do not have the right to expect other people to ignore it if such a happening occurs.

The British holidaying mentality must change; ordering roast dinner while spending a week in Crete is as incongruous as it is ridiculous. So is complaining about the temperature, or moaning about toilet facilities.

And if you begin to find yourself even moderately annoyed at the lovely lady at the cafe in Istanbul, who has yet to master our glorious language? Go home.

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• http://twitter.com/verutaus DannyM

  Haha. It’s a bit funny cause I’ve run into British tourists who were quite nice, but my sisters ran across British tourists who were the very description above in Las Vegas. They were of course complaining about the the temperature (and said to be red as lobsters) but then again we complain about the temperature whenever we go to Las Vegas as well–it’s a freakin desert. Hotter than any other major city I’ve ever been to–even at night.

• http://www.facebook.com/people/Peter-Snelson/557035971 Peter Snelson

  Nobs like this annoy me.

  Only a few Brits are like this. Having traveled and lived in far more countries than this person one thing I point out is that all those around that arent pink and badly dressed are often Brits as well. How do you tell if someone is NOT a Brit.

  Brits are often very Chic and grace the smartest places.

  Its articles like this which encourage/ led to our football fans in Italia 90 for example to get slaughtered by the police with no comeback. Finally the press have realised that most Brit football fans are in their 40’s and 50’s and family men not the stereo type the press love . They/police have now stopped beating our fans up.

  Stereo typing is not clever. Will he write a similar article on Muslims and their traits for example. I doubt it.

• welshdai

  Every third world immigrant allowed in and given a passport when Tony the phony Blair was pm is now regarded as a Brit when caught smuggling drugs in other countries.

• evelinev

  Believe me, the Dutch abroad are just as toecurlingly embarrassing, if you happen to be Dutch yourself…..(they also happen to be just about the tallest, so they stand out even more…..). Anyway, it seems to be destination (Benidorm, Marbella, or wherever there’s lots of sun and cheap booze), rather than nationality that determines people’s behaviour.

• chrisbarrett1959

  The problem of bad behavior and excessive drinking is not the exclusive preserve of the British. I live in France and there are many here who do not behave exactly in an ideal way. Unfortunately it is a hard core minority who cause problems for the rest of the population.

• noughter

  Why do the French give us the name “roast beef”?
  It’s because they eat it rare and red, like the Brits on the beach in Summer with 1 or2 litres of cheapest plonk in them and fast asleep on the beach after an hour or two at 35-40°C.

• dylanrivis

  I’ve lived here in Montpelier,VT for 11 years and for 27 yrs in the area, mostly in the restaurant trade.In general An ex-brit myself,I find Brits act as if you’re about to pick their pocket when all you really want to do is help them and make their holiday as good as possible. RELAX..get to know the locals as they know the region best. Leave your British ways and habits at home…immerse yourself in another culture. It requires being a
  bit vulnerable and taking risks.

• Rollingstone

  What a load of stupid clichés. I’ve lived and worked all over the world, Brits are no better or worse than any other nation, has this writer ever been abroad? Whatever, we are not all 18-20’s.

• MBGPW

  Only my insecure friends
  went the easy-peasy package route.

  The other’s got out, and got stuck in.

  The second lot got wizer.
  The first didn’t.

  From your article Josh,
  you confirm my original findings.

• Pascale1

  You must be blind. I also have travelled a lot and currently reside in France, and let me assure you a crowd of Brits in a restaurant over here is positively cringe making. Pissed, loud mouthed, ignorant, rude, the list is endless.