Paralympics. It’s all about the biceps.

As a woman with a disability, I think it is great how this country has become so excited about the Paralympics and collectively discovered that disabled people can do things.

I am also pleased that the media has picked up on the fact that disabled people are furious that one of the sponsors of the Paralympics is the controversial work capability assessment company Atos. Not since the day the Norwegian Nobel Committee decided to award the peace price to Henry Kissinger has there been such an ironic relationship between something so good and something so downright iffy.

Understandably, there will be protests about this issue. But I hope that I can be forgiven for taking a more irreverent look at the Paralympics for a moment, for there is still much to look forward to.

For some people, the Paralympics is all about the B word – Bravery. (‘Disabled people excelling at sport – aren’t they brave! Disabled people cheating at sport – aren’t they brave!’). But for me, it’s about a more important B word – Biceps. I feel no shame in admitting that most of my time watching the games will be spent eyeing up the male wheelchair athletes, who, due to their incredible upper body strength, have the most admirable biceps in the world. Don’t believe me? Google David Weir.

Over the next couple of weeks there will be lots of media coverage about the Paralympics, but I hope it doesn’t focus too much on the athletes’ impairments. Personally, I’m not that interested in what their impairments are, how they got them or how it impacts on their lives. I just want to watch our team beat the crap out of the other teams and annoy the Royal Mail by winning loads of gold medals.

There may even be articles questioning whether the Paralympics gives an unrealistic representation of disability. My view is this: who cares?! I’ve seen plenty of non-disabled men with beer bellies and bulging butt cracks, whose main recreation is belching, but I didn’t watch the Olympics on the telly and shout ‘Oi you Bradley Wiggins! Your sexy skinny mod bod, sportsmanship and talent at riding a bike really fast whilst making sideburns cool again makes you an unrealistic representation of non-disabled men!’

Likewise, I will admit that I’m very unfit, I need to lose weight and my collection of slimming magazines could insulate a loft. But I’m not going to watch the Paralympics shouting ‘Oi you Ellie Simmonds! Your athleticism, strength, gracefulness in the water and ability to swim really, fast makes you an unrealistic representation of disabled women!’ That would make me a (ahem) spoilsport.

For me, the Paralympics should be fun, entertaining and a celebration of disabled people’s strength and grit.

I love Channel 4’s advert for the Paralympics where the camera pans from the Olympic closing ceremony and goes under a tunnel at the stadium to reveal a group of disabled athletes looking like they’re about to mug you. It’s mean and moody, and also unsettling because it (unintentionally) represents how I feel about the way disabled people were mostly left out of the Olympic opening and closing ceremonies.

Take the closing ceremony for example. I watched at home for over two hours in the hope there might be some disabled performers, especially after deaf percussionist Evelyn Glennie’s magnificent performance in the opening Ceremony. And what did we get? George Michael dancing. Supermodels walking. The Spice Girls pretending to like each other. A tribute to Queen that united the nation in wishing Freddie Mercury wasn’t dead. And the only disabled/deaf performance was from a children’s signing choir. (I’m not knocking them, they were excellent. But they were not exactly rock and roll.) I’m assuming this is because the crème de la crème of disabled and deaf talent has been saved up for the Paralympic ceremonies. But unless Professor Stephen Hawking parachutes into the Olympic Stadium and then does a tribute to Ian Dury, I’m going to feel a little disappointed.

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• andrew arthur

  I would just point out, though that the Paralympics exists because the people are disabled and not for any other reason. So shouting long winded encouragement is probably appropriate. Except that you might run a tad short of breath. I suspect that we are all going to be heartily sick of the B-word by the end of the Games. But we’ll bravely soldier on, of course.

• http://www.facebook.com/angela.kennedy.100 Angela Kennedy

  I actually AM one of those people who found themselves thinking long-winded cynical thoughts about the whole Olympics extravaganza. I’m only really interested in watching people I know do sports – and don’t care about ‘elite achievement’. A Cub football match or tennis in the park is far more interesting (especially in the latter when a dog invades the court to steal tennis balls – like an untrustworthy ball boy/girl). Meanwhile – disabled people with OTHER talents are given little to no help or financial backing to achieve – no matter how talented they are.

• http://www.facebook.com/FJMuir234562 Fraser Muir

  This article should start off by saying “As a woman who receives special treatment because I am famous”

  Seriously….

• http://www.facebook.com/FJMuir234562 Fraser Muir

  Equality? These articles do nothing to help people. All they do is promote ’status ‘ in an ever growing status obsessed society because of celebrity obsession…. It’s devaluing your ‘average’ Jane/Joe out there. Just saying.

• http://twitter.com/VictoriaMWright Victoria Wright

  You do know I’m not actually famous don’t you? I’m curious to know what special treatment you think I get?

• http://www.facebook.com/FJMuir234562 Fraser Muir

  Well you are semi famous. I guess all I am saying is that I am ‘different’ too but all I have ever gotten is horrendous treatment from people, and definitely no respect from people below like the age of 50… and the fact that I am ‘good’ makes (or has made I should say) absolutely no difference.

  Sorry if I’ve offended anyone