Kick-starting the Banned List

A lot of appeals to the umpire following Grant Shapps’s interview on the radio yesterday, and sundry advance publicity for some economically ignorant rhetoric about growth from the Prime Minister and his Deputy today. Ministers “rolling up their sleeves” ought to be on the Banned List, I am told. Appeals have also been made for a “shot in the arm”, “kick start” and, of course, “Growth Implementation Committee”.

Unfortunately, the Umpirium is in a stern mood, and has rejected them all. Except “kick start”, which was on the original Banned List, which you can still buy or download here. The others are just common or garden clichés of only moderate tedium, apart from the new subcommittee of the Economic Affairs committee of the Cabinet, which is matter more of pedantry. How can one “implement growth”? A Question to Which the Answer is, You Can’t, as the Government is about to discover.

Meanwhile, however, the Umpirium has been busy, and now issues the following additions to the Banned List:

1. All “Fifty Shades of …” conceits. Nominated by Matthew d’Ancona.
2. Internet users. Stephen Foley.
3. Double down. Touré, presenter of The Cycle, MSNBC.
4. “We live in a global world.” Ben Ullmann.
5. “Predistribution” was added to the Banned List the moment Ed Miliband used it in his “what I did on my holidays” interview with the New Statesman.

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• stonedwolf

  This is what happens when the journalism of Hari meets the comedy of Joly.

• porkfright

  How about “Kicking into Touch” the Banned List?

• newfriendofed

  The most telling comment, a rather graphic zzzz to simulate a snooze has been removed, even though it got the most recommends. New friend of Ed once suffered a similar fate when he got, I gather, too close to the bone, (though not in any way obscene.) Any one know who decides these things?

• Pacificweather

  I hear your man’s got his snout in the trough again.