“Life’s too short to deal with cockhats like you.”
It is not easy being a freelance photographer in a time of austerity, so we can share the pain of Frank Noon who made a special detour to get some pictures across to The Bookseller, narrowly missing a deadline, but received no response. “Out of courtesy, I would have expected a thanks or at the very least, an acknowledgement,” he suggested, in a hurt email to the magazine’s Features Editor, Tom Tivnan. This at least produced a reply, though not the reply Mr Noon might have hoped for.
“Hi Frank,” it read. “Can I just say a kindly fuck you. I needed the pics for 18.00 from which my final, final deadline was. Yours were delivered at 18.19. That, if you are counting is, let’s see, let’s see…19 minutes after my deadline. The deadline when we needed to go to the printers, not to the production desk.
“Midas did arrange for another photographer to come onsite and give me the pics directly which was very helpful and that is why I didn’t use yours…. Under the pressures of deadlines you can imagine I did not have time to thank you for sending me something that was too late for me to use as a balm to what assuredly is your rather delicate ego. But if you need it, then thanks loads, Frankie boy!
“I may regret this intemperate email that I realise is not the height of professionalism. And in the normal course of events I would have thanked your profusely in time. But your whiny message just sent me off and life’s too short to deal with cockhats like you,” his message concluded.
I am not certain about the etymology of ‘cockhat’. I don’t think it relates to the cocked hats that were popular headgear in the 18th century. It appears to refer to a contraceptive. Must ask the man from The Bookseller.
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