Made in Chelsea – Series 5, Episode 7

Daisy Wyatt

mic 2 300x225 Made in Chelsea – Series 5, Episode 7SPOILERS: Do not read this if you have not seen series 5, episode 7 of ‘Made in Chelsea’

If you had any doubt where Binky gets her brilliantly brassy disregard for social graces, episode seven confirmed she’s a chip off the old block.

Binky’s “mummy” Jane Felstead, who alone has 16,000 Twitter followers and describes herself as “up for new ideas, and ways to have more fun conscientiously”, threw conscientiousness to the wind when she asked Lucy and Binky about the size of Spencer’s manhood over lunch and a glass of champers in Marylebone.

“Is Spencer really worth this?” came the voice of reason. “He’s got a massive ego, which is irritating. Is he a fantastic lay? I’m fascinated. Has he go the dick that’s…? I can’t see it you see.” What a woman.

Added to her wonderful sense of earthy vitality, Janey wins extra points for throwing a right knees-up barn dance in a manor house in Berkshire for all of Binky’s friends (no-one over 25 looked to be in attendance) for no apparent reason! No big bash 21st, no nuptials announcement, just a raucous riot with lashings of pastel bunting.

Last Friday, when Alan Carr hosted the MIC cast on his chat show, Ollie Locke said people were so intrigued by the show because “like Big Fat Gypsy Wedding, they like extremes.” But even Velma and her girls might have had a run for their money at the ludicrous outfits on show at the barn dance.

Barbour jackets and pink jeans are two a penny at posho parties, but Louise’s fur-lined knitted poncho and Spencer’s Moroccan carpet jacket were stonking fashion faux pas. As was Phoebe’s maxi dress and floppy hat- this was a barn dance not Benicassim music festival.

At least the relaxed environs of sitting around on hay bales drinking Pimm’s all day allowed Ollie to tentatively come out of the closet to his two bessies Cheska and Binky.

And nothing could have been more camp in the precursor scene to Ollie’s “big” announcement than the weighted hula-hoop exercise class he took with Cheska. As the two gyrated their hips dressed head to toe in lycra (Cheska must have referred to this scene when she said that the show “showcases Britain at its most beautiful” on Alan Carr)  there was little to read between the lines of the scene’s flagrant connotations.

“You should really be having sex with Ashley three or four times a day” claimed Cheska as she nodded her head vigorously back and forward, evidently trying to tone her pelvic floors with the weighted hula hoop for her next day of non-stop passion. Ollie despondently replied while looping the hula around his neck: a metaphor for his choking relationship with the doe-eyed Ashley if ever there were one.

At least that is over now and he can move on to dating guys.

Lucy and Spencer’s short-lived “relationship” also ended this episode after Lucy called Spencer “rank” and “gross” for wanting to sleep with her while seeing other girls too. She is not the slut she made herself out to be after all, those flirty text messages to multiple men were misleading.

Louise and Andy on the other hand are very much united, so much so they share a sloppy kiss in the middle of an artisan dessert house. Louise continues to delude herself that Andy is not a rebound after Spencer, even claiming that there’s nothing “complicated” in their relationship. Come on love, Made in Chelsea would not have made it to series five were it not full of complicated relationships.

She also sounded like the worst combination of ignorant American traveller and gap-yah tragedy when she told Andy “I want to do all of Europe, India and South America this summer.” She studies Geography, she should know better.

Louise may be a feeder, but she’s also a diva. And her spoilt exit into a chauffeur driven car (ironically with the number plate 5MILE) from Binky’s Berkshire barn dance confirmed yet again she cannot get over Spencer. Maybe Jane was right about him being a fantastic lay after all…

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  • Alex Pughe

    I always look forward to your commentaries!

  • Tom Scott


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