International R Kelly Day comes to London
Tonight, revellers in cities all over the world will raise a glass in honour of R Kelly, the RnB singer who invented hop hopera and sexualized biscuits.
And for the first time, London will be one of them.
The event is sure to raise eyebrows from many. This is the same R Kelly involved in a high profile sexual assault case in his home city of Chicago, the one whose back catalogue includes tracks such as I Like The Crotch On You and Marry The Pussy.
But the organisers of tonight’s party, taking place in east London, are adamant that it’s a tongue in cheek event, and celebrates the music rather than the man.
Of course, for many the man and music are interlinked, but for those who can happily bump and grind without guilt, an indulgent night of singing, dancing and champagne bottle popping awaits.
And if it’s honeys you’re looking for, the promoters claim their Danish counterparts are sending over a whole brigade of bitches…
Where did International R Kelly Day originate?
The origins of the night are shrouded in mystery, some say Pied Piper of RnB himself had a hand in it, others say its origins were more organic and spontaneous, we haven’t been able to verify anything. Does it really matter though? You just gotta let these things do what they do. What we do know is that it’s become a global event and we’re taking orders from the big guy sat in the Chicago HQ.
Are you involved in the Copenhagen one too?
We’re in close contact with them, they were early pioneers of the celebration and have invaluable advice and insights. They’re actually sending over a 20 strong all female delegation to help us make sure the evening runs extra smoothly – apparently Copenhagen have some of the finest-ass-females outside of Chi-town.
What can people expect on the night?
Expect the most sexually charged bash since Sisqo’s 98 Shakedown, cheap booze, original Kellz tunes, remixed Kellz tunes, minimal outfits, champers, sparkling jewellery, animal skins and hip-hoperas. Even a no-rhythm white boy from Morden will be looking, feeling and acting like a true RnB thug.
What is the history of R Kelly day?
This is all hearsay but we’ve been told by the shot callers in Chi-town that it all began because jelly haters were stigmatising innocent peeps for bumping to R. Kelly. The hating reached a tipping point in March of 2010, a massive black lash ensued in the form of spontaneous block parties all over Chi-Town, which quickly spread to other major American cities then urban centres world wide. These parties just played R. Kelly tunes and provided a safe and positive environment for real Kellz fans to re-emerge from the closet.
What would you say to people who question his questionable past?
Not much, this night isn’t a celebration of the man himself, but of the music he’s made and the sexual, hilarious universe his unique imagination has given birth too.
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