Back in the day Superman used to have an alter-ego and sometime antagonist called Bizarro. Bizarro lived on a world that was basically a weird mirror image of the DC Comics universe. (Yes, yes, I’m comic book guy off the Simpsons. But not as tubby.)
It’s hard to describe just how thrilling the apparently mundane event of receiving a pair of crutches was for me. I’d equate it with passing my A levels, receiving my degree, landing my first job on a national newspaper.
My wife told me that so wondrous is the state’s largesse for wheelchair users that this is causing resentment among the able-bodied population. So much so that there have been incidences of attacks on the tube…
The only bits of me that escaped without breaks are my right leg and (mercifully) my head (so no circle of tweeting blue birds flying around it – booo).
A few years ago Sky One screened a show called Dead Like Me. It was one of those startlingly original American shows that seem to get killed off because they’re too intelligent for mainstream TV.
The last week has been strange and frustrating – it’s been a story of suffocating hospital bureaucracy, grey days and man candy stripers.
I find looking at my own X-rays is a tad disconcerting. I admit to a certain ghoulish fascination – but on the other hand, I find I can’t look for long without feeling ever so slightly nauseous.
I am, officially, wobbly. No, this doesn’t mean that I’ve suddenly taken a turn for the worse. It’s because I’ve come to realise that my balance, post accident, is shockingly bad.
While in hospital one of the doctors warned me that rehab was likely to be a long and frustrating process. There would be extended periods – weeks or more – with little or no progress followed by sudden great leaps. I would need to get used to these lengthy plateaus, and not get disheartened.
Hydrotherapy sounds like some fashionable new beauty treatment that doesn’t actually do much but still gets celebrities gushing about it in glossy magazines thus allowing its practitioners to charge small fortune.
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