If you believe the nonsense coming out of The Jungle, that's what he is being asked to be.

Hay has been given responsibility for Mission Impossible - turning Dwain Chambers into a Rugby League player in rather less than a week.

Whilst the rest of the Cas squad have been trying to iron out the numerous problems exposed in the thrashing at Bradford on Sunday, Hay will have had the new lad on one side, teaching him stuff like how to catch a rugby ball and pass it backwards.

And this, bear in mind, is a recruit so raw that, on Monday, he didn't know how many players there were on a team.

I'll tell him the answer to that. Any team that is idiotic enough to include a 30-year-old with no knowledge of the game has 12 players ......and one total liability.

I'll only believe it when I see it. No, change that; I won't believe it even then. It's the sort of insult to our game that makes my blood boil; this idea that anyone can wander in and be able to play after a week. An easy sport, that Rugby League must be.

Cas and some other people in the game have a touching belief that there is no such thing as bad publicity. They still seem to believe that after headlines like "Drugby League" and "Money Down the Dwain."

The one good thing about that was that every other newspaper had a crack at it before The News of the World, which had been promised an exclusive.

Castleford's heart-warming ineptitude put paid to that. A press release on Friday left a trail of clues that Blind Pew could have followed to the right answer.

It will become clearer on Sunday morning, it said. Therefore a deal with a Sunday tabloid. Therefore either a massive Union signing, like Farrell, Robinson, Wilkinson, Cipriani - none of which is going to happen - or a scandal and, in four easy moves, Dwain Chambers.

You don't have to be John Holmes, let alone Sherlock Holmes to work that one out.

I've nothing against Dwain Chambers. He admits what he did, he's served his time and is entitled to try to earn a living.

It's this ludicrous pretence that he is somehow qualified to do so in the most demanding team sport in the world that leaves me reeling.

I'd be interested to hear from anyone who sees it differently. In the meantime, we'll all trot off dutifully to the Jungle on Sunday. Bring your boots; we might all get a game.

(Picture: Getty Images)