I'm sitting here writing this while listening to Gurrelieder on Radio 3, Arnold Schoenberg's great turn of the century mash-up, the death rattle of Romantic music. It's probably not at all the right setting for talking about the great Seventies icon that is the spider plant: a bit of soft lounge music, or maybe the soundtrack to The Big Lebowski, would be more appropriate.
Spider plants continue to be great, though, even if Margo Leadbetter's all-in-one kaftan trouser suit is now sadly a thing of the past.
For one thing, they look fantastic. I took this photo in Chelsea last Friday, and I love the way their stripey leaves look so smart against the Sloane Square brickwork. Also, they're really easy to grow, taking very little care, water or food and still generally managing to muddle through.
They're good for you, too - one of the best plants for cleaning the air around us, leading one US city to start the Portland Spider Plant Outreach Campaign. What you have to do is take baby plants, root them in compost, and then pass them on to neighbouring offices and workplaces.
But finally, at this tatty old time of year their beautiful sharp blade-like leaves and coyly dangling baby plants do add that touch of Seventies macrame wife-swapping exoticism...
Anything by Neil Diamond is suitable for playing at a Spider Plant Disco (unless they are particularly hip young offsets in which case a smattering of Sweet singles would be appropriate). If there any Aspidistras present then they would like Bert Kaempfert's Tootie Flutie.
Posted by: JamesA-S | Wednesday, 19 March 2008 at 06:54 PM
If only we could hook up the plant of the week blog with i-tunes for full multi-platform interface satisfaction.
In the interim, let's make a C60 mixtape. I bagsy put on it "I just dropped in to see what condition my condition was in" by Kenny Rogers, but also some Bat for Lashes to represent the spider plant's continuing exoticism in the 21st century.
Posted by: emma townshend | Wednesday, 19 March 2008 at 08:10 PM
I'm sorry.....but they are just vile.
Completely and unutterably vile.
GM
Posted by: The Garden Monkey | Thursday, 20 March 2008 at 09:04 PM
Not a spider monkey then?
No, honestly, you sound really cross. I'll try not to take it personally. :-)
Posted by: emma townshend | Tuesday, 25 March 2008 at 06:11 PM
Oh no, not cross by any means.
I am quite alarmed however, by anything involving spider plants.
They are sooooooo horrible.
Posted by: The Garden Monkey | Tuesday, 25 March 2008 at 08:36 PM
What if I call them Chlorophytum, does that make it better?
Posted by: emma townshend | Tuesday, 25 March 2008 at 09:15 PM
Stop press: http://forums.gardenweb.com/forums/load/propa/msg051345397470.html. Spider plant SEEDS? what would you want to do that for? They make babies like RABBITS. Are we now concerned about spider plant genetic diversity? Even I agree that this is stooopid
Posted by: emma townshend | Tuesday, 25 March 2008 at 09:19 PM
Chlorophytum?
Hmmm, that sounds like an STD - which does kinda suit them.
GM
Posted by: The Garden Monkey | Tuesday, 25 March 2008 at 10:02 PM
yeah but arguably that should be asexually transmitted disease, in their case
Posted by: emma townshend | Wednesday, 26 March 2008 at 08:44 AM
How about simply putting them behind a screen - all of the air purifying goodness and none of the appearance?
Posted by: Carin | Wednesday, 26 March 2008 at 10:38 AM
The Garden Monkey has obviously never seen how cute a spider plant can look when you draw eyes and a smiley face on the pot.
Posted by: Cameron Diaz | Wednesday, 26 March 2008 at 10:48 AM
We need a photo of this on my desk ASAP. Do I have to do everything round here myself?
Posted by: emma townshend | Wednesday, 26 March 2008 at 11:07 AM
I think the poor old Spider Plant isn't as bad as everyone makes out. I have one on my desk (I work from home) and while it isn't the most vibrant colourful thing I own, it does have a certain something and the way it moves slightly is quite pleasant. And it looks great next to my busy lizzy...
Posted by: Robbo | Wednesday, 26 March 2008 at 12:52 PM
The other interesting (?) thing about Spider Plants is how they get bigger and bigger even when shut in a locked room with neither water nor Baby Bio to sustain them. I also think that they are the only plant which understands the rules of Boggle.
Posted by: JamesA-S | Wednesday, 26 March 2008 at 05:48 PM
Hm. That plant in the photo is a phormium, probably 'Cream Delight'. And very nice to. Apart from standard identifying criteria (leaf size, shape, height etc) don't you think the location should have been a clue? Fancy door box in Chelsea stuffed with spider plants?
regards
Gerry
Posted by: Gerry Matthews | Saturday, 17 May 2008 at 02:38 PM
dear Gerry, are you having me on? Phormiums have heavy duty leaves containing tough fibres, that's why the bog standard one got called "New Zealand Flax". They also flower on long rigid spikes produced in summer, that can be up to about three metres tall. This plant had thin cream arched flexible stolons with tiny plantelets at the end, and was flowering in a shady corner during March. It was definitely a spider plant. Mind you, it was definitely the unclassiest end of Chelsea.
Posted by: emma townshend | Saturday, 17 May 2008 at 04:42 PM
Rowan Atkinson IS Spider-Plant-Man...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQpOhUnZIyM
Not sure this will convince the GM of its appeal though.
Posted by: jakers | Saturday, 17 May 2008 at 08:37 PM
If you let me have the address* I'll go and have a look and then may need to eat my gardening bonnet but...I sent the photo link to a nursery that specialises in spikey plants such as phormiums and that also their opinion ('cream delight'). However I grant i/dying from a photo not ideal (and the tiny plantlets sounds v spider plant). 'Cream Delight' is a small phormium and if phormiums are in containers they are smaller. I have had a bog standard one in a pot on a balcony for some years (it's 'fed') and both the leaves and the flower stalk are much shorter than same variety in ground, (positively minature in comparison).
regards
Gerry
* I presume you can access via some Independent techie my email address. I promise not to publish the house address.
Posted by: Gerry Matthews | Monday, 19 May 2008 at 09:43 PM
Dear Gerry, in honour of your enormous tenacity, I have forwarded you the details. But as others may also be going to Chelsea this week, I suggest everyone has a look at the planting round the door of the last house on the right in Sloane Gardens, the short cut that runs southwards down from the tube towards the showground, a road that has a kink in it. Then we can get this sorted out once and for all!
Because Phormium Cream Delight Man just doesn't have the same ring to it.
Posted by: emma townshend | Tuesday, 20 May 2008 at 02:17 PM
I think spider plants are quite ugly, yet I am fascinated with them and always have been. I've just recently recieved my very first baby spider and I'm so happy about it haha
Posted by: Emma | Friday, 20 June 2008 at 11:57 AM