The Gutter Sniper: Coping with 'Victoria Beckham for Vogue' - a step-by-step plan
You may have noticed that Victoria Beckham is on the cover of this month's Vogue. I know, I know, it's sacrilege. Initially we were going to ignore this (denial always being the best way of coping with trauma). It has, however, become increasingly clear that this cannot continue.
The Victoria Beckham cover, it would seem, is a matter of considerable social - some might even say moral - concern. Not only have we received a number of emails pointing to the matter - including one, we should mention, from fellow Indy blogger and bastion of All Things Decent, Ethics Girl - but we have also begun to crave understanding - some kind of explanatory balm for our wound.
And so we made a list of possible explanations. In times of distress such endeavours can help, we've been assured.
So: why did Vogue stick Victoria Beckham on their cover?
- Possible explanation No 1: It is not in fact Victoria Beckham on the cover of Vogue but rather a sufficiently sophisticated supermodel who, from that particular angle and at that particular level of air-brushing, looks a teensy bit like Victoria Beckham. Unfortunately, this is not the case. Vogue's cover girl is in fact Victoria Beckham. Not only is her name printed (in distinctly small font) next to the picture but flick to page 254 there's an interview too. Dammit.
- Possible explanation No 2: Recession chic (cf March Vogue) has now disintegrated into recession desperation. Tempting, this one, for a number of reasons: the overtly cheap-looking nurses outfits displayed on page 53 ("see-through chic"? Um, yeah...), the DIY wedding dress piece on page 70, the gardening tips (yes. Gardening tips. In Vogue!) on page 341. We would have gone for this one were it not for the fact that US Vogue - which surely should be feeling the squeeze more than us seeing as everyone knows the recession is all their fault - has Drew Barrymore on the cover. A bona fide A-list cel-eb-rit-y.
- Possible explanation No 3: Everyone at Vogue House is on drugs. Almost certainly true to some extent but this time we don't just mean Xanax. No, we're talking something more serious, like... acid? And while there is certainly some evidence to support that theory (hippy dippy headlines like "painted faces", "who's in your spiritual address book," and "the art of noise") even we aren't quite vicious enough to believe it.
- Possible explanation No 4: Victoria Beckham is in fact a style icon and any suspicions we had to the contrary are WRONG. Mr Blackwell is wrong, the whole blogging community is wrong and, most importantly, we are wrong. Ha! Not very likely.
- And then, suddenly we got it. It's their April issue. It's a joke. The whole darn thing's a joke. One big, fat, April Fools joke. Victoria Beckham may not be funny, but Vogue almost certainly is.
Hmmm... gardening tips you say? page 341? For once, I may be buying Vogue.
Posted by: emma townshend | Tuesday, 11 March 2008 at 07:34 PM
hmmm Im thinking rebecca loose just got a job at the independent?
Posted by: Anthony | Tuesday, 11 March 2008 at 07:42 PM
it would have helped if she was at least pretty; the touched up computer advanced version of her on the cover is so far from the truth that again we are all left to feel depressed about this stupid fashion world we have thrown in our faces every day based on lies and spin. YUK!!!!
Posted by: Brigitta | Tuesday, 11 March 2008 at 09:17 PM
The funniest part was the editor trying to justify it all...haha
Posted by: Truth | Tuesday, 11 March 2008 at 10:19 PM
before this i thought vogue represented exactly the opposite. victoria is the symbol of money trying to buy class and style and obviously failing in the attempt. i thought it was a joke when i heard and i am very dissapointed with the magazine. i wonder if anna wintour agreed with this. didn't anyone at vogue said no? probably yes but sadly money is more important and i guess they will sell a lot of this number.all the readers of hello, ok etc will have another one to add....this has been the beginning of the end...
Posted by: barbara | Tuesday, 11 March 2008 at 10:28 PM
Victoria Beckham has great fashion sense and is (unfortunately for all you bitter indy females who don't put any effort into their appearance and then wonder why men, as well as women who take pride in their femininity, don't give them the time of day) a style icon and P.S. has already been on the cover of Vogue with her husband, which you would know if you were the Vogue lovers you claim to be. Ya, I'm sure Vogue was really strapped for cash and couldn't afford not to put Beckham on the cover. Please.
Posted by: not jealouse | Wednesday, 12 March 2008 at 02:36 AM
I would just like to take a moment to applaud these jealous, dirty, overweight blog-nerds that have an overwhelming hate for Victoria. You are the ones that will eventually save all of us from celebrities and brain-washing, but for the time being I have a bit of advice; maybe realizing that Victoria is the epitome of beauty will ultimately cause you to take a second look in the mirror, this will save the ones that see you in public.
xxxxx
Posted by: Nicholas | Wednesday, 12 March 2008 at 03:46 AM
it is strange that people who see through the lie are labelled dirty, unkempt, ugly etc. In fact most of the people who are the true fashion victims are kidding themselves and look ridiculous including Mrs Beckham who never looks happy and is most of the time hanging around those fashion shoes with her surgically enhanced pout and stupid dress sense. Attraction to the opposite sex? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder - so the generalisation that people who are fed up of this fashion blurb crap are not attractive to the opposite sex is so childish. Mrs Beckham is manufactured beauty as the cover shows - her beauty is a sign of the times - an illusion with no depth or reality to it.
Posted by: lorrie | Wednesday, 12 March 2008 at 08:15 AM
"epitome of beauty". I think not.
Posted by: Jakers | Wednesday, 12 March 2008 at 09:31 AM
Get over yourselves - it's only a magazine
Posted by: someone who has a life | Wednesday, 12 March 2008 at 02:53 PM
And you know what Someone Who Has A Life? It's only a blog.
Posted by: The Gutter Sniper | Wednesday, 12 March 2008 at 03:02 PM
yes but even blogs take us down into the gutter at times
Posted by: lorrie | Wednesday, 12 March 2008 at 03:05 PM
What bitter little girls, you should get councelling for your jealousy.
The woman is lovely, great mum and wife, great sense of humour and actually very beautiful, have you ever met her?
I have and can say she is a striking woman.
Her vogue spread is beautiful, and with her success in the fashion industry Vogue had to take notice or it would be failing the industry it is manufactured for.
Do a search on ebay for Victorias clothing, you'll notice people are paying up to £90 for the marc jacobs/VB t-shirt!
Get over yourselves and accept she is here to stay, and for that I am very grateful to this hard working successful modern day icon.
Posted by: Robbie Paris | Thursday, 13 March 2008 at 09:09 AM
hey...no one to counter claim / argue with Robbie Paris?? hahaha..what a shame! well said Robbie!! ;D
Posted by: Moon | Thursday, 13 March 2008 at 09:35 AM
OH COME ON Robbie Paris. Lighten up for a second. Anyone posing as the love child of Robbie 'n Paris should at least have a sense of humour.
Posted by: The Gutter Sniper | Thursday, 13 March 2008 at 09:42 AM
Robbie Paris...you must be gay
Posted by: loppo | Thursday, 13 March 2008 at 03:40 PM
VB maybe she is funny and a great mother and wife but Vogue is for real fashionista and trendsetters her fashion style is tacky and looks like she is triying to hard. Victoria is not Jackie O, Grace Kelly or Maria Felix ,the onli person who see her has a fashion icon is herself.
Posted by: QB | Thursday, 13 March 2008 at 08:50 PM
oh my god! why would you conclude that those who didnt liked her being in the cover dont like fashion or cant recognize beautifull women due to jelousy? maybe we are beautiful women too ( asuming she is good looking, fact i dont support)!...please consider we are probably the ones that like fashion the most and read vogue and thats precisely why we were so shocked. at least i talk for myself. victoria beckham has no sense of fashion. she tries too hard. she buys all the designer clothes but i doubt she could look good if she didint have money. a real fshionista is the one who knows how to dress and show her style buying anywhere. brand+brand+brand+brand....and even like that she doesnt achieve it!!! in my opinion she is in fact extremely tacky. YOU CANT NOT BUY STYLE! and as someone said: WHAT ARE HER ACHIEVEMENTS IN FASHION?? please...
Posted by: kkkkkk | Thursday, 13 March 2008 at 10:46 PM
she is a self proclaimed fasion icon and thats exactly what you cant do. her boobs dont help either.
Posted by: lola | Thursday, 13 March 2008 at 10:48 PM
I had to laugh at this blog entry, doesn't matter if you like or loathe her it's a great entry.
Posted by: Mr Giggles | Friday, 14 March 2008 at 12:14 PM
Hey.Why don't you guys just learn to spell? Or type? Or,maybe,just think?
Posted by: A. Literate. | Saturday, 15 March 2008 at 09:35 PM
don't trust a woman who can only wear high heels even when she's wearing trainers - high heeled trainers. She must be very sad.
Posted by: diamond geezer | Saturday, 15 March 2008 at 11:54 PM
Diamond Geezer I couldn't agree more! We are clearly kindred spirits. High heeled trainers are the devil's footwear. Very suspicious indeed.
Posted by: The Gutter Sniper | Sunday, 16 March 2008 at 09:10 AM
She is absoutely NOT a Self-proclaimed fashion icon. She wears her hair long and wavy and so does everyone else. She cuts her hair off and it's the hottest new hair style. So many other celebrities have cut their hair exactly like hers. Show me where and when she actually said "I am a fashion Icon". That's what self -proclaimed woud have to be. I know Roberto Cavalli thinks she's a fashion icon.
Posted by: ED | Sunday, 16 March 2008 at 10:06 PM
I don't understand how people can be so cynical about a mum who has three boys?
Maybe because she is fabulous ? or, because she has more money than you lot ?
leave Victoria alone. You may not like her. But I am a fashion student and believe me she is a STYLE ICON!
P.s Barbara your comment was great!
Posted by: Greg Paton | Tuesday, 18 March 2008 at 02:52 PM