In the wake of disgraced former New York governor Eliot Spitzer's resignation after being caught with a prostitute, the New York Times weighs in on the types of infidelity that are permissible within a marriage.
Is the justification easier if he "only" cheats with a hooker, and
doesn't have a full-blown affair? Somehow I don't think that the
partner who gets lied to and cheated on can take comfort in the fact
that it was only a meaningless fling... the act then seems even more
selfish.
This is a tough call, and ultimately a very individual matter. But
infidelity isn't just about love, it's about respect, and the arrogance
that Spitzer displayed in thinking that he could do whatever he wanted
with no consequences while preaching exactly the opposite in government
is truly breathtaking.
Sorry, but I wouldn't give my husband a get-out-of-jail-free card just because he paid for sex. He needs to be truly sorry, not just sorry that he got busted!
The fact that it was with a hooker means that he compromised his wife's health, that amounts to physical abuse in my opinion.
Posted by: Camilla | Monday, 17 March 2008 at 04:13 AM
I don't think we should be so quick to judge or accuse. If a relationship is broken or has a problem it is generally because TWO people have not been able to make it work. It's easy to jump to the conclusion that this is all about selfishness by one person. While that may be the case, my work shows me that many men or women - and it is women more often than you might think - who have sex with others outside their relationship do so out of deep frustration or disillusionment with some aspect of that relationship.
Time and again I am told "I still love my partner and don't wnat to leave, I just need more when it comes to sex". Men who pay for sex often fall into that category. My point is not to defend or justify the actions but to say that the use of words like betrayal, cheating or abuse are part of the reason why so many people find it necessary, socially and personally, to keep their behaviour secret and underhand. If we could adopt a more realistic and accepting stance (which, after all, reflects the realities of sexual desire and need for many) it would make it much easier for individuals to be more open in their relationships and to work things out in the first place.
Posted by: Maria | Monday, 17 March 2008 at 09:18 AM
Let's be honest here, it's nothing to do with anything other than the guy thinks he's Superman, can do what he wants, and nuts to anybody else. It's entirely a power trip thing for him (cf Clinton, Kennedy, etc). He does what he wants. I'm glad he's been caught and I hope he learns from it.
Posted by: Hobgoblin | Monday, 17 March 2008 at 09:41 AM
what's new about most men? a friend who works in China where there are so many prostitutes now tells me that the first thing happily married men with children ask when they arrive in China on business after checking into their five star hotel is 'where's the bar and where are the girls?'. It's the same old story whether you are a beautiful call girl or a hooker on a street corner, women have become a utility for a lot of men and women use it for financial gain. It is wrong but how do we change it?
Posted by: denise | Monday, 17 March 2008 at 09:47 AM
The first thrills of a journey into darkness is disgust, phantasmagoric fears and horror. For there is a curious difficulty that is derived from our conscious view of what we consider life ought to be and how it seldom corresponds to what life really is. That is the general refusal to admit within ourselves or even to our friends the fullness of the pushing self protective, malodorous, carnivorous fever which is the very nature of the organic cell _ whereas is seen we tend to perfume, whitewash and re-interpret, so that we may imagine that all the flies in the ointment, all the hairs in the soup are the faults of some unpleasant someone else. But if you are fortunate enough it may dawn upon you or it could be forced upon your attention that everything we do or think is tainted with the odor of flesh and then not so uncommonly is experienced the moment of revulsion, life and its acts, the organs of life become intolerable to the pure soul.
Posted by: Andrew | Tuesday, 18 March 2008 at 09:03 PM
Andrew...in other words...are you having trouble?
Posted by: Brigitta | Wednesday, 19 March 2008 at 07:25 PM