Sleeping Around: Disco pants
I recently found myself stripping down to a black, lacy thong before walking into a room full of naked men. But this wasn't an orgy, it was a naturist club night. The whole thing started out as a dare. My friend Victoria and I were discussing her upcoming wedding, and the fact that we hadn't been clubbing in ages. We'd heard about the naked disco in south London, and always said it was something we'd love to try, just for a laugh.
Having found the club, we paid our £15 on the door and headed for the changing room, where I was a bit annoyed to see that Victoria had worn Bridget Jones-style pants that covered everything. Women, you see, are allowed to wear underwear or bikini bottoms, while men have to be completely in the buff.
So there I was, in a thong and a pair of four-inch heels – you have to wear shoes. Yet Victoria was insisting that I take off my underwear, for the sake of "journalistic balance".
I'm a Hollywood wax fan, so I was really hoping that the website's claim of very good heating was true. I was petrified, and in desperate need of a drink. There was nowhere to run, and nowhere to hide – except behind a bit of body glitter I'd brought along.
Still, we were determined to hold our heads high – even if our breasts lacked such support. Momentarily at a loss for where to stash money for drinks, I stuffed a wad of cash down Victoria's pants.
We got a couple of drinks and realised that, sadly, other than a couple of beautiful gay men, the rules of nudist beaches seemed to apply here, too: the people who strip completely are never the ones you want to see naked.
I can't say that watching skinny guys in trainers with their bits bouncing around on the dance floor was a huge turn-on, but everyone seemed to be having a brilliant time. We chatted to several regulars, mostly guys in their early- to mid-twenties, and Victoria and I had to try very hard not to have our eyes wander downward – though we saw very few erections all evening.
The best part, though, was that because mobile phones were banned, there was no phone-number swapping, and the music was too loud for cheesy chat-up lines.
After three drinks, I stopped covering my nether regions with my hands. Two drinks after that, we hit the dance floor.
I'm not sure if it was the booze or the boldness of everyone else around me, but I've never felt less body-conscious in my life. Victoria and I danced until after midnight, and it was worth the wicked hangover – even though, a week and several showers later, I was still picking off the body glitter.
Please - men look ridiculous enough when they dance in the first place, without having to add to the spectacle by doing it naked.
Naked women dancing however... completely different story. With heels on you say? Marvellous.
Posted by: Flapping about | Thursday, 13 March 2008 at 01:51 PM
We are so glad you enjoyed yourself! Come again soon xxx
Posted by: The Starkettes | Thursday, 13 March 2008 at 05:26 PM
A great piece about one of my favourite clubnights. I'm so glad you had such a fun time.
And yes, my craft-prone girlfriend informs me that glitter is considered the herpes of the crafting world for precisely that reason; I banned it from my flat after having been massaged with a glitter massage bar once and finding that laundering my duvet cover only distributed the glitter more evenly across it ;o)
Posted by: Owen Blacker | Thursday, 13 March 2008 at 05:44 PM
Your blog made an interesting read. I'm assuming (though you don't mention it) that the night you are talking about is a monthly Starkers night, presumably the one in February. The comments seem to back this up.
What you don't mention is the gender ratio which I think is one of the more interesting discussion points about Starkers (once you get over the novelty of nudity). My experience on the few times I've been is that it is overwhelming a male audience, with very few women unfortunately. I've also seen a few women come in, only to leave shortly afterwards presumably having been put off by the disparate gender ratio. What are your thoughts on this? As a woman yourself, would you have been motivated to go other than on a dare and did you find the large male presence at all intimidating?
Thanks again for a great blog.
Posted by: Andy | Thursday, 13 March 2008 at 09:46 PM
You paid? Didn't you present yourself as a lady customer?
Posted by: Ken Hughes | Saturday, 15 March 2008 at 11:33 AM
Women are only really taut, pert and attractive between the teenage years and the mid 20s. After that, well... Best keep all those folds of flab covered up really.
Why on earth anyone would like to pay good money to take off their clothes and dance around like mental patients I simply cannot think!
Very sexist though that the poor little sensitive women are allowed to keep their knickers on but the men aren't. Typical feminist hypocrisy. No change there then...
Or maybe most of the blokes are gay at this naked wobble-a-thon. Wouldn't surprise me.
Or perhaps it's for health and safety or hygiene reasons -eg leaks, odours etc.
All as incomprehensible and baffling as line-dancing... I think some people need to get hobbies...
Posted by: Steady Eddie | Saturday, 15 March 2008 at 02:48 PM
ah ha, Steady Eddie of 15th March! you could try naked line dancing, that would be fun! if you've got it enjoy it, that's what we say, don't worry about what others might think/say. Go on, have a laugh, make people smile and forget about the ills of the world for a while, and that makes a good night out. Hope to see you there ;-)
PS the Easter Egg hunt sounds like it's going to be great fun
Posted by: fredd | Tuesday, 18 March 2008 at 01:13 PM
This can only be about Starkers. but please don't believe the clubs website stating a heathly ration of 25% women... Its not .. it is normally about 1% women and they work there. Also the blog forgot to mention that it is really a sausage fest not the enlighting "naturist" disco it claims to be.
Posted by: Naked Clubber | Wednesday, 19 March 2008 at 06:46 PM
thanks for those comments - i was planning to go along - but i can believe it is going to be a (mature) sausage fest - so will save my £15 - as i am a bloke!!
Posted by: sahota | Saturday, 22 March 2008 at 08:45 AM
Well Fred I don't know when you last came. It is true we got many more guys than girls, but we admit single men unlike a lot of venues and this makes us men-heavy. We could make it couple's only and ban guys like you? Sadly this would mean we had a less busy event and would be unfair on the guys who come who don't mind. We have had 25% women on several occasions although usually the percentage is less than this. Nevertheless, we get a good number of single girls and couples coming down and this proportion keeps on growing. If people are purely going to gawk at naked girls then they are possibly there for the wrong reasons! If people criticise us for having more guys than girls then I am afraid you will create a self-fulfilling prophecy and it will always be that way. If people want a naked disco it is there for them - and many people come and they have a great time (like the writer of the article).
Starkers!
Posted by: Starkers! | Tuesday, 01 April 2008 at 06:01 PM
Oh, while we're here - women being allowed to wear knickers - it is not sexist, it is because girls have periods...that is why.
Starkers!
Posted by: Starkers! | Tuesday, 01 April 2008 at 06:05 PM