It's been a strange and - dare we say - trying few days for us here at Independent House. First those tapes of Pete and Amy playing with mice, then a video of Agyness Deyn singing - all while that she-devil of an arts correspondent Arifa Akbar swans around Cannes. We began to fear our days in showbiz were numbered.
Well fellow depressives fret no more! Hope has arrived, and not a moment too soon - cloaked in the unlikely guise of Kevin Federline's lawyer. Yes reader, really: ready yourselves for a tale of good overturning evil, weak overturning strong, and many breathless mentions of the American Dream. All courtesy of Mark Vincent Kaplan Esq, known - in his own words - as "David" to Britney's "Goliath".
First, some context: It's been an eventful fortnight for Ms Spears; as noted last week she's decided to take a break and spend some time at the beach...with Mel Gibson. We're not 100% what this means - though we're guessing it spells the death of her Kabbalah days - but the Boston Globe has come up with the alarmingly plausible theory that she's to star in his latest film. Joyous, isn't it?
Which brings us to to K-Fed's lawyer and his self-proclaimed "mission" to clear the rapper-and-erstwhile-husband-of-Britney-Spears's name. Of course what we all wanted to know was how on earth he found the stregth to do it - surely the rumoured $ 343,834 paycheck wasn't in itself enough? The answer, reader, does not disappoint. This is a tale of conviction people!
I quote: "He was someone that I believed in who was taking on a cause that I believed in. I realized that, in order to achieve the goal, we couldn’t get from point A to point B without passing right through the centre of the American dream."
Isn't that beautiful? We're squealing inside right now. But it gets better: "Very few lawyers get the opportunity that this case has presented," he tells us. "Even fewer recognize the opportunity, and even a smaller percentage of those have the guts to go for it."It’s also made it possible to not have to make reservations at a restaurant. But that shall pass."
Oh my god! The humility! The motivation! Will someone PLEASE get this guy a book deal. Like, now?
Image: Getty
i still do not have respect for federline. just because he took "responsibility"of the kids. i mean he has tons of help 24/7 and he still managed to go out a whole lot partying it's just that he doesn't get followed because he's a nobody. i really do not believe he's any better and i bet he caused a lot of the stress or insecurities that brit had
Posted by: kiley | Tuesday, 20 May 2008 at 07:37 PM
Are you a 12 year old Gutter? Who compares two idiots to two great Jewish characters from the Bible. Your anti-semitic article should be immediatly removed from this website.
Posted by: Frank | Sunday, 25 May 2008 at 04:58 PM
Oh please. The D& G reference was a direct quote from a statement by Federline's lawyer. That said I can't say I hold the Bible in much esteem. Puns on biblical characters are fine by me.
Posted by: The Gutter Sniper | Monday, 26 May 2008 at 04:10 PM