Sleeping Around: Casual sex, an evolutionary perspective
According to the Telegraph, a new study shows that women still regret one-night stands more than men: apparently, 80 per cent of men had overall positive feelings about the experience compared to 54 per cent of women, and men were also more likely than women to want their friends to hear about it.
But, while explaining that women have not adapted to meaningless sex because it does not suit them at this stage in evolution, the paper didn't tell the whole story.
Professor Anne Campbell from Durham University was quoted as saying:
"In evolutionary terms women bear the brunt of parental care and it has been generally thought that it was to their advantage to choose their mate carefully and remain faithful to make sure that their mate had no reason to believe he was raising another man's child."
But Professor Campbell went on to say (and not reported by the Telegraph):
"Recently biologists have suggested that females could benefit from mating with many men - it would increase the genetic diversity of their children and, if a high quality man would not stay with them forever, they might at least get his excellent genes for their child."
Funny how any story about how women enjoying multiple partners as part of evolution doesn't usually make the news. Except when we are talking about earthworms and chimpanzees
No my dear Catherine. What's funny is how intelligent women seem to think that people who call themselves a doctor or professor somehow have more qualification to offer an opinion on sex matters than anyone else.
Posted by: Ken | Thursday, 26 June 2008 at 05:34 PM
Women that make it well into adulthood and don't embrace the carnal aspects of being alive are lame. As a man who has had quite a few great, female partners, I want nothing more than women to empower themselves and want to ravage me and cum like crazy as much as I want a fullfilling sexual relationship with them. It's 2008. This whole sheepish, "I was seduced" or "I cried because he didn't call me in the ensuing days" after I "submitted" to his sexual desires.......submitted??? Empower yourselves, ladies. Either go out on the scene and sip your cosmopolitans and have no regrets twelve hours later, or stay home and say no thank you to that scene. If you think you may have regrets later on, then have your drinks and go home. Don't waffle and regret what you weren't strong enough to walk away from in the first place. After all, it's just sex. It's not like you went on a murder rampage with the guy.
Posted by: Greg | Friday, 27 June 2008 at 04:15 AM
I'm a huge Dan the AUtomator fan, and even though Lovage was a radical departure from a lot of his earlier/solo stuff, I loved it! I plan to put up a new page at lovage.org soon and I'd welcome any comments about improvements.
Posted by: Patton Fan | Monday, 30 June 2008 at 10:13 AM
Everyone has the same qualification to voice an opinion (if qualification is a relevant term here.)
I think it's reasonable however to believe that the opinion posited by a Professor studying Evolutionary Psychology may be more insightful when the topic of disucussion relates to her study.
If not, then that would suggest to me that there is no point in anyone commiting themselves to learn or study anything, which seems unlikely.
Posted by: Lime | Wednesday, 02 July 2008 at 12:37 PM
most women are wanting to have a deeper emotional connection and respect. The key to it is simple; men do not respect women who have lots of casual sex. It is a fact. They call them sluts. Even if women are more programmed to enjoy casual sex they must get hurt by the way men see them. The more you give your self to men the cheaper you become on an evolutionary basis too - because the female genitals are very sensitive and are ultimately there for birth - random sex with multiple partners leads to disease and degeneration of the female energy that will not lead to healthy kids or healthy mothering. I'd give it up if I were you Catherine.
Posted by: Brigitta | Wednesday, 02 July 2008 at 09:39 PM
Hi Catherine, I have just finished reading both of your books (in 2 days), and i can't get enough of you! You are my hero! I totally disagree with Brigitta as I don't think that women should base their lives around being primed up for motherhood - it just isn't for every woman. I absolutely love the way that you live your life, but you just need to realise that all those blokes are lucky to have you and not the other way round.
You have given me so many great ideas for the bedroom with my bf - thanks!
I will be religiously following your blogs from here on. :)
Posted by: Andie | Thursday, 03 July 2008 at 12:59 PM
Greg, are you sure your numerous great partner's weren't prostitutes... coz that's what they sound like. Now keep your dirty posts to yourself and get yourself tested asap.
Posted by: Emma | Thursday, 03 July 2008 at 08:03 PM
"..men do not respect women who have lots of casual sex. It is a fact. They call them sluts."
I do not think this is so. It may be easy in our world to enjoy making this assumption but it certainly shouldn't be that way.
I think it's important to ask what the reasons and motives are for an individual pursuing casual sex.
Whether I personally respect such an individual would be dictated by their own unique life story. Of course in most cases the observer will never know the full story, making judegement troublesome and all too easy to revert to terms such as 'slut' to allow us to categorise and therefore remove the 'problem'.
A woman (or man) who practices casual sex and treats each encounter as a unique experience in their life, an unrepeatable moment to share something with another human being (even if it's only safe fun) would certainly get my respect.
Another individual who sought out casual encounters to make up for personal failings, to cause intentional hurt, or to improve their status amongst their peers wouldn't.
As creatures with many failings I believe we simply do not strive enough to overcome emotions such as fear, anger and jelousy that result in such a lifestyle becoming a series of tribulations and negative expereinces when it could, if conducted with a mature mind and a loving spirit, be incredibly positive.
Posted by: Lime | Friday, 04 July 2008 at 05:01 PM
I do not know one man who would marry a woman who has had loads of sexual partners and is well known for doing that...if they have it will be in secrecy and the woman concerned will be keeping it quiet...I am damn sure that CT does not sleep around as much as she says she does and it is just her journalistic trick to get reader's fantasies going(clever girl). Having women primed for motherhood is not the point here - the point is that motherhood is the most beautiful and sacred result of sex...of course that has no place in 'sleeping around' where the focus is on pleasure and adventure in carnal pursuits...it all sounds lovely in the Karma Sutra etc, but in reality human beings are not very wise when it comes to sex...it is not as simple as it seems. The psychological impact of sleeping around has to be considered and a lot of what CT writes about is fantasy - not reality.
Posted by: Brigitta | Saturday, 05 July 2008 at 10:24 AM
good points brigitta.although i dont agree with all your points,but most of them i do.This is the way i see things.No normal man on this planet(emphasis on normal)want a women who sleeps around,and has bagged many lovers.The funny thing is,most men today,have been "trained"(sexual related content being reinforced from a very early age constantly and relentlessly) to think with their penis'.Alot of men today lack the ability to think in the long term,its all about the moment,meaning,the more sexually experienced the woman is,the more fun he is going to have.but then,when the relationship moves from a very sexual one,to a more solid one(caring,feelings,love etc)her sexual history becomes a problem.Look,all men can sit here and deny it,but it is in our biological nature,and thats where everything stems from.The fact of the matter is,in the long term,women who are chaste,and see sex as special and not something they should give up"when they just feel like it" gain alot of respect from men,although in the short term, they may seem prudish,with outdated values.The media has spun a web of lies and deceit into having us believe that sex is just sex.before i sign off,just a comment.if sex is just sex,why does a spouse feel betrayed when the other cheated?it is just sex?
Posted by: common-cents | Friday, 11 July 2008 at 10:36 AM
Greg, I see that other women have posted in response to your misogynistic rant. Here goes another one. Sex is not just sex, as you seem to think. When there are parts inside of YOUR body that respond differently than a simple ejaculation...perhaps you will understand more fully. Until then: There are, in fact, consequences to sex. Perhaps this has occurred to you before, but, lets review. Firstly, there is the matter of pregnancy, quite a hefty consequence to just sex. Sexually transmitted infections and diseases, the socially defined mores that are instilled into people (not just women)at a young age (a difficult thing to kick regardless of what the ethic is[not just regarding sex]) crazy perverts, and so on and so forth, are all things that most people should give some regard when thinking about sex. If you lack these filters, there is indeed something wrong with you.
Furthermore, you're idea of an empowered women is flatly wrong. An empowered woman is not simply one who says "yes I will have sex and enjoy it, with little thought to consequence", but rather a woman who uses rational thought in all aspects of her life, and is willing to stand up against the tyranny of stupid men who seem to think they know what's best for women.
The socially excepted norms for the role of sex within western society, particularly within the lives of women have changed considerably. However it is not the end all be all of the feminist movement. I am truly sorry that your idea of a strong woman is one that wants to have hot, non-committal sex with you.
Here is a suggestion for you... try NOT having sex. Perhaps its just the sort of clarifying ation you need.
Posted by: Hannah | Saturday, 12 July 2008 at 02:40 AM
I cannot think of anything more revolting than having a man's penis inside of me who I do not love, deeply respect and feel a deep connection to and who is just there for my carnal pleasure. On that level if CT is promoting sleeping around then she is not bothered with the person but more with his tool called a penis that is peasuring her vagina. It is not a very big compliment to the man in question when his willy is the best thing about him. In the same way men who sleep around are kidding themselves about getting away with it because it makes them look and feel filthy. This is not a prudish judgement - it is a fact that random sex makes humans feel bad because the only thing that makes a human feel good is LOVE, truly and deeply. Most of those glamorous porn stars and anyone who works in the sex industry for example may have outward appearance of beauty but if you look a bit closer they have lost their souls and look toxic and ugly. Their genitals have become commodities and their souls have paid the price.
Posted by: lottie | Saturday, 12 July 2008 at 07:05 PM
hi,,, i want to know how long a man can do sex with a women and if it is less then a normal sex timing,,, then how you can increse the time of doing sex more and more...
Posted by: saggi | Sunday, 03 August 2008 at 08:09 AM
by not letting your thingy get saggi and you may have to use viagra or porno to prolong your saggi thingy
Posted by: uppy | Sunday, 03 August 2008 at 11:37 AM
Personally, I don't see anything wrong with Greg's post. He sees sex as a fun, fulfilling, wonderful experience. Why is that misogynistic? If we're talking biologically, then looking at the animal kingdom reveals that there are very few species that stay faithful to a single partner. It's when emotions start getting involved that it gets complicated. It gets even more complicated when religion wades in. I have enjoyed amazing, mind blowing sex both with men I knew casually and a man that I love very much. Honestly, there are good and bad things about both, but I'm not going to slam one to praise the other. I try not to confuse sex with intimacy because they are two wildly different things. The minute you start confusing the two you start the heartache. As for cheating, well, it hurts because of the emotional betrayal--I consider cheating to be a spouse who spends emotional, intimate time with someone other than his or her spouse. Physical cheating is often the straw that breaks the camel's back because it's definable and easy to point at accusingly. I would be far more devastated by a man who cheats emotionally, because that is related to the heart.
The funny part is, the people who don't approve of sex for sex's sake are the ones tossing out insults while those who have sex for the fun of it are too relaxed and happy to care.
Posted by: Jen | Tuesday, 16 September 2008 at 02:13 AM
First of all, Jen... animals lack the brain capacity that us Human Beings were given to dispense all logic and rational thought. If you would study a little deeper into your own reference to the animal kingdom you would learn that sexual relations are instinct, used to mate and create life, not to ejaculate and have fun !
Where in this twisted warped reality did people start believing sex was created for pleasure alone, and should be spread around like wildfire ??
Yes sex is pleasurable, and a beautiful thing. In fact so amazing it should more than prove it is something to be reserved for love .. the most extraordinary feeling giving to a human being. If sex was meant to be casual there would be no negative outcome, hence disease, betrayal, etc.
On to feeling better about a man cheating for "sexual pleasure" vs. "emotional" first and foremost makes no sense - most people cheat for emotional reasons, the sex is just the outcome. Plus any man who will share his body with someone; something emotionally meaningless, while expressing his care for me .. truly has no respect or love for me at all. To betray what we have made for "nothing" only proves we had "nothing" to begin with.
Im so sorry if you feel these are things you need to just accept as reality. There are so many other factors in life that prove that just because something feels good doesn't necessarily mean that it's right. This doesn't mean that a choice different from my own is wrong. We all have different paths, and some decisions are meant to reveal and guide. Most likely to help us grow. In this life we are given the brilliance to choose, and we are given many choices through out our lives to make. All of which have consequence.
That old saying "anything worth having is worth working for" could also ring true here. Nothing good comes easy. Hold out and you might just be surprised how great it gets.
- Spoken from a woman with life experience ... not one sheltered if you might so think.
Yes sex is fun, and so Amazing when it comes with trust.
Posted by: Amara | Wednesday, 17 September 2008 at 09:37 PM
I must say one more thing .. You get what you put out.
If having a loving monogamous relationship is your ultimate dream, why is it we feel during the downtime we can act in a manor completely disregarding our ultimate wants and desires ?
Why do you feel you deserve someone to be great and amazing for you, when you cant even do it for yourself. How do you willingly cheat with someone you know is in a relationship, and then one day expect someone to respect and never do that to you ?
In life you act accordingly to what you want ....
In other words .. a girl eats chocolate and cookies and junk her entire life, then one day decides she wants that perfect body, and wonders why she cant or has a hard time getting it ...
.. or someone wants to be a doctor, but disregards the schooling and discipline they need, and wonders why they're not top of the class ...
To achieve anything in life is work and dedication, and most importantly love. All that easy stuff is just that, easy. Reserved for anyone not willing to try.
Why do people feel that love should be any different. You treat yourself and others in the same manor you Ultimately want to be treated... right ?
I don't know, at least thats my understanding of things ... I just feel if people were honest and true first and foremost to themselves, that's what would make things a whole lot easier !!
Posted by: Amara | Thursday, 18 September 2008 at 12:40 AM