Although I hate to generalise about nationality, my passion for British men was reignited this week after I agreed to a blind date with an American. "This guy is a writer too, and he's really emotionally aware," my friend Victoria said.
I should have known that this would be the death knell for our date. Much as I love dissecting my feelings over cocktails, I want to be fantasising about leaping into bed on a first date, not lying on a therapist's couch.
But Ben was handsome and fit, and within 20 minutes he had clasped my hands in his. "So, Cat, tell me something you've never told anyone."
Of course, this is really shorthand for, "Tell me a mildly embarrassing story that makes you look cute in the end," so I told him a funny childhood anecdote and said, "Over to you."
"Well, when I was a boy, I used to dress up as a little girl, and my dad would beat me with a wooden spoon until I bled."
I looked for a punchline, but there wasn't one, so I panicked, reached for the bar snacks and smiled. "Peanut?" I was trying to defuse an awkward situation with humour, which is probably why British men and I get along so well.
Ben probably would have been Canadian journalist Leah McLaren's dream date. I read this week that she is cashing in on the portrayal of English men as drunk women-haters who are too polite and repressed ever to make a move by turning one of her pieces, headlined "The Tragic Ineptitude of the English Male", into a television drama in Canada.
Maybe I'm the one with the problem. Ben understands intimacy and had no problem giving me his attention, but for me, it was too much, too soon.
McLaren mentions The Rules as a guidebook for dating, a manual which advocates acting like a game-playing, manipulative cow to land a husband.
Her prejudices are even more ridiculous because, by her own admission, she never made it to bed with any English men (though she speculated that she would have been asked to partake in "naughty" scenarios!). That's her loss. I have met a few who liked to be paddled, but so what? So do I.
If McLaren had made it past the bedroom door, she'd have seen that the British male's shyness generally evaporates, and that the sex is often punctuated by filthy stream-of-consciousness banter.
McLaren summed up her disgust with British men thus: "It's the guy with perfect, perfect manners who then wants to go home and be whipped and chained." It's funny, because that sounds exactly like the man of my dreams.

Miss Townsend - may I introduce myself...
Posted by: Mr J Theakston | Thursday, 05 June 2008 at 07:14 PM
you're such aq creep Catherine - her article was brilliant, clever and true
Posted by: loppo | Thursday, 05 June 2008 at 11:40 PM
English and British are not the same - but you're an American so I don't think you realise that do you?!! I take it you haven't slept with any Welsh or Scotsmen then, in which case you should say English rather than British.
Posted by: appleblossom | Friday, 06 June 2008 at 11:39 PM
Actually, appleblossom, even though it drives the welsh and scots barmy, throughout the world 'England' does mean 'Britain' - and people in England also use the word like this now. Not accurate I know. But you can't fight it - so best not to be so sensitive about it really. As pointless as complaining that the peanut is called a peanut when it's not a nut.
Re the issue. In my experience American and Canadian women are by far the worst I've ever ****** - and tedious beyond belief - and vain - and silly - and gold-diggers - and really nasty. So no problem if this harpie doesn't like british men (as though they're all the same) - maybe british men don't like her!
Posted by: limey boy | Saturday, 07 June 2008 at 11:31 AM
oh limey boy...you obviously haven't slept with Victoria Beckham the ultimate vain/silly gold digger and so many like her
Posted by: Brigitta | Saturday, 07 June 2008 at 02:58 PM
There's an old saying about men wanting a lady in the living room and a whore in the bedroom, isn't the same true for what women want?
Posted by: WandringSoul | Monday, 09 June 2008 at 02:42 PM
briefly dated an englishman. everything that came out of his mouth was a lie. he would say the nicest things and then do the nastiest things. i thought he was somewhat effeminate sometimes, but it didn't bother me.
we had incredible sexual chemistry, and great sex, but he would disappear for days, weeks, or even a month or two after every sex session. i finally got fed up and gave up on him.
i would never date another englishman.
Posted by: Sarah Mackle | Sunday, 01 February 2009 at 10:20 AM
Englishman are the worst!
Posted by: opine | Sunday, 01 February 2009 at 10:34 AM
Unless you are willing to get paralytically drunk and hop into bed with an Englishman within one hour of meeting him, forget dating in England. I am an educated, attractive American who lived in London for five years - I am not a prude, and I like sex and drinking, but because I'm not a promiscuous alcoholic I was never successful in dating. "Date" does not equal "Sex," at least not outside of England. The little boys with big feet and facial hair that run around drinking and masquerading as men in England (and I do mean England, not all of Britain) would do well to learn that, or go back to the mothers that they seem so disturbingly fond of.
Posted by: Audrey Johnson | Monday, 23 February 2009 at 07:12 PM
I absolutely love when people say that men or women (of some specific culture) are the worst. Why I love it? Because a person who says that sound and probably are a complete idiot. Like the idiot who said, "Englishmen are the worst!" Really? You've slept with every single Englishmen in order to come down to an accurate conclusion that ALL Englishmen are the worst? You just made yourself sound idiotic and like a whore. Just because you suck at making good choices in men whether it be from a different culture or not, doesn't mean that that certain man is the same as every other in that culture. That statement is just as ridiculous as when women say, "All men are the same. They all lie and they all cheat." Again, you haven't slept with every single man or dated every single man so that conclusion is completely inaccurate.
Posted by: A Sensible Woman | Tuesday, 10 November 2009 at 06:01 AM