A friend recently suggested that I try Cosmic Ordering, which involves writing down your wishes on a piece of paper and waiting for the cosmos to come through.
I was sceptical, but aided by two bottles of wine at dinner, I began my list with, "6ft-plus, emotionally mature, supportive of my job, kind, generous, loving, intelligent, 10-15 years older, massive penis!" (After all, this was a wish list!)
I crumpled the note in a drawer, passed out on my bed in my clothes, and forgot all about it. Exactly two days later, the universe delivered Charles, who ticked all of my boxes. He really is the perfect man on paper.
I was actually feeling at peace for the first time in ages, until my friend Victoria asked me how old he is, and I replied, "44".
"Wow, all of your boyfriends are nearly 15 years older. Have you ever considered why that is a critical item on your list?"
I'm used to my friends teasing me that my last name should be "Zeta-Jones", because I often date men at least at decade older than me.
I've told myself over the past few years that my attraction to older men was because they had more life experience. Besides, they were the ones who tended to ask me out!
More recently, I've realised that it may be a bit more complicated than that. I hate to admit it, but one of the reasons that I date men who are older is because I somehow think that, eventually, they will be less likely to leave me for someone younger.
Some of my first memories are of my dad leaving my stunning, university-educated mum, who adored him, for a younger model, his secretary. The kicker was that she wasn't even a more attractive model. It really was the equivalent of trading in a vintage Aston Martin for a used Fiat Punto.
I have never admitted this to anyone, but every time I see a friend marry a man his or her own age, a part of me is terrified for them. No matter how lovingly the young man looks into their eyes, I can't help but think: "They are happy now, but how will she feel in 10 years when he starts eyeing up the teenage Russian nanny?"
Of course, I know that my logic is flawed, and I don't judge all men this way. I should know better than anyone that when it comes to love, older doesn't always equal wiser.
Case in point: my ex-boyfriend was a decade older than me, and he broke my heart anyway. I've met 25-year-old men were ready to start families, and 40-plus Peter Pan clones who were still wearing trainers and hanging out at nightclubs.
My friend Michael is more brutal. When he found out I'd been getting texts from a 53-year-old, he said: "A man can be a cad at any age. If you think that dating a guy with one foot in the grave will insulate you against pain, you're crazy."
On our next date, I told Charles the story of my dad. He gave me a hug, reminded me that people are attracted to other people for all sorts of complicated reasons, and encouraged me not to overthink things as he carried me to the bedroom.
I'm not sure if my cosmic order will equal ultimate happiness in the end. But either way, the universe definitely delivered in the trouser department!
I think what your friends are saying is very true. I've dated older men (not 53, up to 37, being the 22-year old I am), and it really makes no difference.
Sometimes age has its benefits. If you've been around and seen the world and are mature for your age, of course it's hard to find a man who "fits". Thus the appeal of the older man. They're more wise, worldy, and secure with themselves. Or so we think.
That 37-year old had extreme emotional issues that were thickly (and thoughfully) covered up by his generosity, stamina, wealth and experience. We were fooling around one night, and I was doing some dirty-talking, and the subject came to "do you like my big tits?". Simple question. A grunt would have done nicely. But he told me "they are going to look like shit in 10 years anyways...". Hmm. And then when I started to cry, he demanded I stop. Not the father-figure type that's good.
That being said, of course we should give men the benefit of the doubt. Not every man is like that, and not every man will crush your heart. But some do, and they could do it just as easily at 17 as they could at 60.
Posted by: Samantha | Friday, 04 July 2008 at 12:03 AM
Age, ladies, is quite relative. As a friend's septuagarian mother said, 'I feel the same as I've always felt.'
As I walked through a garden yesterday I realised I felt exactly the same as I did at school, so what was the point of subsequent achievements?
Age really is an illusion. Definitely!
Mind you, I've made some daft decisions in every area I wouldn't have dreamt of making when I was younger, as I was wiser then.
Posted by: ken | Friday, 04 July 2008 at 10:17 AM
This is true - I'm 42 and my partner is 36: the relationship is fantastic, but not because of a slight age gap, it;s because BOTH of us have reached an age where we know what we want, what matters to us, and are old enough to talk about the issues which inevitably arrive. 10 years ago the age gap would have been just the same, but the maturity level would not. Age is a number only: maturity, respect and the desire for a genuine relationship and the willingness to make a genuine commitment to that relationship and to making it a success are the pre-requisites of a successful relationship at any age. Before meeting the woman I am now happily living with and engaged to marry, I had girlfriends from 18 years younger than me through to 17 years older than me and older does not always make for a wiser, more committed or genuine relationship. What I don't understand is why a woman who is obviously smart & intelligent and aware should limit herself to an age range in looking for an ideal partner: the other attributes are fine (who would settle for anything less anyway!) but a woman specifying an age is as shallow as a man saying "she must be blonde" or "she must have large breasts" - and any man saying that would be shot down for his shallow attitude in no time.......
Posted by: Phil | Friday, 04 July 2008 at 10:45 AM
Darling, this was one of your best posts for months, quite personal. Keep it up!
P.S.: Why on earth is my iTunes playing now 'Young Hearts Run Free'?
Posted by: Mark W. | Saturday, 05 July 2008 at 01:04 AM
mmm sorry to disappoint you, but there is NO security in men at all ages... simply put 'men will chase women they do not intend to marry, just as dogs that chase a car that they will not bite'. Moreover, the 50+ are they single, and why? Or are they cheating their wives with a younger version of the same thing!!! Did you think of that!!!
Posted by: Nagila | Thursday, 10 July 2008 at 03:16 PM
I am 42 the last girl I dated was 22. Before that 26. I do not look for younger women, but after the love of my life (that was closer to my age) left I decided if a younger girl that was smart and lovely liked me then I would enjoy their company.
Posted by: Taylor | Thursday, 17 July 2008 at 07:04 PM
Ref Catherine's request to the cosmos for a man with a
huge penis, has she investigated any of the many spam
e-mails ref. penis/breast enlargement pills? Would
surely make for good investigative journalism.
Posted by: David | Saturday, 26 July 2008 at 11:56 AM
This hopeful ideal of a large penis intrigues me. Do the women who desire such a thing have big vaginas? If so, I doubt they would advertise that fact. I always thought though that the very nature of the female sexual organ is designed to 'fit' (albeit with gentle persuasion) the length or girth of whatever size penis it encounters!
Posted by: james elliott | Sunday, 27 July 2008 at 06:53 PM