Shortly after hearing that David Duchovny, who plays a sex-mad writer on the hit TV show Californication, is seeking treatment for sex addiction, arguments broke out over whether or not the so-called "disorder" actually exists.
Is it, as some say, akin to alcoholism? Or is it, as Times columnist Carol Midgley says, simply a cop-out when a high-powered figure lacking "unfashionable willpower" gets caught with his trousers down?
I believe in some cases that sex addiction is real, and have seen it ruin lives and destroy relationships, but this usually only happens once the addict has hit rock bottom.
Sex addicts are emotionally immature, but this does not absolve them of the responsibility for making bad choices - and they have to live with the consequences. Midgley is wrong about rehab being the easy road: if Duchovny is seriously going through a twelve-step program, he's going to be spending a lot of time making amends. I wish him and his family the best of luck.
(Photo: Getty Images)
Reading further news reports on David Duchovny's situation, the focus now seems to be on his struggle with pornography. Sex addiction, porn addiction... either way, the question of definition and recognition remains the same.
As an addiction therapist, I'd agree that sex addiction has many similarities with more clinically recognised forms of addiction, such as alcoholism. Sex addicts develop self-destructive routines, anti-social perspectives and repeated numbing/avoidance of personal issues through acting out their habit.
So I use the terms 'sex addict' and 'porn addict' because of this overlap, and because they have common acceptance, if not professional recognition. Clients come to me with 'porn addiction' and we work on definition and context from there.
I am aware that sex addiction is a category, and probably not the most healthy label for the range of behaviours and compulsions it is applied to. Usually, sex is not the problem. Someone may be choosing to absorb themselves in sex or porn to procrastinate or avoid something else; feelings of powerlessness, a troubling relationship, low self-esteem, boredom, whatever.
So we return to your comment about bad choices; recognising and learning to take responsibility for them. This is indeed the essence of recovery, and it can be an exceedingly tough trip.
Posted by: Jason McClain | Tuesday, 02 September 2008 at 10:12 AM
Great comment Jason. In my opinion; addiction is not only the use of substance but also a type of behavior that an individual "wants" to stop but fails to - generally the behaviour gets worse or evolves. It can always be argued that the behaviour is or isn't destructive (example: porn)
This page might help your readers that understand what it feels like to be powerless over something.
http://icantstop.org/looking-at-porn.php
Posted by: Sam Hopson | Friday, 10 October 2008 at 03:44 PM
First off sex-addiction is not about sex, it is about utilizing sex as a mask or filter for underlying issues much like alcohol or drugs.
Most sexaholics have underlying emotional issues that need to be dealt with in order to really survive in recovery. Being an addict and in recovery I will testify to the fact that it is a true addiction, having wanted to stop and not being able to; realizing the potential consequences and not being able to; realizing the pain, hurt and shame it has caused for the ones close to me and not being able to stop; realizing the financial turmoil and still not being able to. Yes, it is a true addiction.
There is hope though. I am in therapy and a 12 step program and the combination of therapy and a regiment of meetings has kept me sober. I am happier, think clearer and can feel true emotion. That being said, I do have to stay on my toes and watch for warning signs that my emotional equilibrium is off, as this is a warning sign that urges to act out may be on the horizon.
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Posted by: Relationship Addiction | Tuesday, 24 February 2009 at 11:44 AM
Sexual addiction refers to a phenomenon in which individuals report being unable to manage their sexual behavior. It has also been called hypersexuality, sexual dependency, and sexual compulsivity. The existence of the condition is not universally accepted by sexologists and its etiology, nature, and validity have been debated.
-mj-
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