In The Times there is a very bitter Diary of a Marriage piece where an angry wife describes how her husband cheated on her with a stranger on a plane, then continued the affair. But instead of directing her anger at him, or kicking him to the kerb, she labels the other woman a 'slut' and a 'bunny boiler', and lays the blame for the affair on...Google!
Examining the holes in the story, it becomes obvious that either the whole thing is made up or her husband is a complete liar. First of all, she claims that her husband was sitting next to the woman in economy, and the two were upgraded into first class because they were talking too loudly. This just doesn't happen on any airline. Secondly, it's highly unlikely that the other woman could have tracked this man down with just a first name and the industry he works in, and been responsible for all of the communication since. This woman's husband didn't sound traumatised; he was obviously loving the attention enough to keep the affair going. And blaming the Internet and technology for her marital woes seems ridiculous...she may as well blame the Wright brothers!
Having affairs with married men isn't particularly moral however it surprises me when woman are happy to place the blame entirely on the "other woman" when the only person who she should be blaming is the husband. I suppose it provides comfort if you try to explain his actions through that of someone elses - avoids recognising that the person who is supposed to love, care and respect you has treated you like absolute s**t and in all honesty should probably pack her bags and get out of there before another 'boiler' comes along!
Posted by: emma | Saturday, 25 October 2008 at 11:52 AM
This idea of blaming the third party rather than the cheating boyfriend is incredible. To my mind a relationship is like a contract - only the two partners involved have made any obligations. If the boyfriend cheats then he is to blame - it doesn't matter that the affair was a mutual thing or even if the girl in question was being predatory. She may herself be cheating on someone else, but she has no obligation to preserve his relationship with his girlfriend.
Posted by: Rick | Saturday, 25 October 2008 at 01:37 PM
It's unbelievably easy to blame someone you know nothing about and have no connections.But avoiding to blame a man is also avoiding to blame yourself. If you think that a man caused the affair you will start to think what's wrong with you, that he wanted to have sex with someone else. This is basic self-protection of woman's nerves and self esteem.
Posted by: Liyen | Saturday, 25 October 2008 at 03:16 PM
It is not that I blame the 3rd party alone, but equally she knew he was married, and instead of that making a difference she did everything she could to keep him, he has been confronted by me everyday as he is living with me, however he has not been confronted by her, or she by me, but I would like her side of what happened as I only have his version and I already know what a liar he is.
Posted by: J Berry | Friday, 27 March 2009 at 07:43 PM