Jonathan Ross has revealed that his first sexual experience was with a vacuum cleaner - and he must have been pretty attached, because he refers to the Hoover he mounted as a 'she'.
'I reached for the nozzle, turned her on and gingerly inserted myself into the tube,' he writes in his new book. But the suction power was too much, and (not surprisingly) the experience 'hurt like hell'. To be fair, Ross is hardly the first man to try and pleasuring himself with a household item--Russell Brand tried it on with a Henry vacuum cleaner and later blamed manufacturers. 'Who in their right mind designs a machine with the capacity for suction and then puts a face on it?', he asked, adding 'You may as well put eyelashes on a toaster.'
Women have our dirty little secrets too: In my teen years I was always quite fond of grinding myself against doorknobs, sitting on the washer on spin cycle, my massaging shower head, and, I'm ashamed to say, my vibrating toothbrush--though it never produced more than a tingle. I'm sure it was no match for the Hoover!
My neighbours had an electric lawnmower, a Flymo - its whirring sent a pulse up the handle that when positioned in the groin as you "pushed" through the heavy grass, produced a quick exit to nirvana. I mowed their lawn for hours, though not always evenly.
Posted by: FlymoMan | Thursday, 23 October 2008 at 05:11 AM
Yeah. I tried the toothbrush. Takes a hell of a lot of effort; I tried for so long the batteries ran out! I also tried my boyfriends Wilkinson Sword Quattro Titanium the one with the beard trimmer I think?) Kind of worked as long as your careful, those blades are sharp! But NOTHING beats a good old vibrator!
Posted by: Holly W. | Sunday, 02 November 2008 at 04:32 PM