I seem to be in a never ending storm of feeling blue, tired, run down, fed up, lonely and sad and I’m having a tough time finding the sunshine again.
Life hasn’t quite worked out how I expected it to and I do have a tendency to walk the harder path (i.e. drop out of uni, then have to work up the career ladder from the bottom) but I didn’t plan to walk a path on the edge of a cliff, with loose boulders that could fall away at any time.
I am the sort of person that overthinks things in my life, they go round and round in my head till they either fizzle away or become a huge issue. Blogging has become one way for me to offload those thoughts and help me move on. Occasionally though, I do something without thinking about it and it’s only afterwards that it hits me. This happened the other day.
I try at all times to take this secondary breast cancer path with grace and dignity. I try to set an example and live to high standards but occasionally the mask slips. Occasionally I’m niggled by the small stuff and I get downright angry over things that just shouldn’t matter.
My name is Hannah Bradley and I am 28-years-old. In February 2011 my world changed in an instant when I had a massive seizure in the early hours of the night. Luckily my partner was with me as I lost consciousness and was rushed to hospital. I really don’t remember much about the two months that followed apart from seeing many doctors and having constant headaches and a number of seizures.
Dear Mum. There is so much I want to say that is hard to verbalise so I hope you accept this letter to you.
One thing that is said to you when you are ill with cancer is that you are fighting cancer, people cheer you on saying that you must fight it and you push yourself on saying that you are fighting till your last breathe to try and win the battle. I even say that this is a war and while I will win many battles by fighting, I know that in the end cancer will win the war.
I hate Valentine’s Day. It’s the one day of the year when I am forever reminded that I am single. I have only once had a boyfriend on Valentine’s day and that was at school, and only because I was away skiing as we broke up as soon as I got home. Overall my dating stats aren’t that great…
I hear from people that they are sick of reading about cancer in the papers and surely everyone knows everything about cancer by now? Then a story comes along that makes you realise you can never say there isn’t enough publicity.
Living with secondary breast cancer means there is a certain inevitability to having chemotherapy multiple times. Chemotherapy can be a real double edged sword; good as it really can work well and give you more of that most precious of things… time, but bad because each time it makes you feel more ill than you did before.
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